There are traffic cones in the living room. One of them is yours.
i'm so desperate for a drink right now i looked up the recipe to make pruno
Whatever. They have the same name, so it's not even cheating. It's brand loyalty.
I've never seen a kid turn down a sure thing for a possible handy by a freshmen. You need to re-evaluate.
while you've been gone this has kinda turned into some sort of fivesome-type thing. just thought i should warn you for when you get back
he has a puerto rico area code and says his name is johnny cash. extremely suspect
I walked in and she was kneeling on the ground with no pants on, throwing up, and holding the puppy. It was one of those moments, where i was like damn i wish i had my camera.
I wonder if her husband knows I have my own drawer at the apartment
I picked a bad day to wear the catch me fuck me shoes.
Did someone catch you and fuck you?
I'm training him to sit when I whistle the tune from the hunger games. I'm going to be the coolest parent ever.
We're shaving superhero symbols into our pubes. I call dibs on Batman.
I'm stoned as hell watching the new Star Trek movie. My life is 110% better than it was an hour ago.
Only you can make me eat tacos in your car, while naked, on a dead end road in a ditch on a Thursday night.
Welcome to Missouri, the show me your genitals state.
Open the door and I will lure them out to freedom with viagra and candy orange slices. You know they love that shit.
Randomize
