you know when i was in school the girls definitely did not have the tits the 15 year olds have now. so unfair.
He's gotten way too comfortable around me. He came into the bathroom and took a shit while I was in the shower.
News Flash: Turtles are cuter than Jesus.
Congrats on damning at least 10 generations of your offspring to hell with just one text message. Way to start your morning off right.
Haha im about to meet my shrink &i have so much shit to tell him i made an outline
whatever. i almost had sex in a car with someone passed out in the back seat. phone's not my biggest worry.
I really want to shower but i'm afraid i'll sober up. My mouth feels like a stripper pole too...
I was expecting it to be of the "I am your vagina's reckoning" caliber.
God, you're amazing. I just want to hang out with you in the nude and watch Monty Python movies whilst we quip about how comedians just aren't as funny anymore.
Credit for originality. Points off for a mild to moderate creepy factor.
this is definitely the first time I've ever had an orgasm and then had potatoes smeared on me within the same hour
My sister's exploding appendix just cock blocked me...
Sooooooo, can scratch getting a pelvic exam by a man dressed as Woody from Toy Story off my list.
You need to write an essay about this experience.
He was even wearing the hat.
he came with me to get plan b but they didn't have any. when I started crying he said "come on it's not that bad.. ill go get sandwiches from the vending machine and we'll have our first meal together as a family"
Dude I'm fucking tired of freshman, there are god damn teeth marks on my dick again
So the same great-aunt that told me to freeze my eggs for procreation just told me that I should strut around the dance floor b/c I'd get picked up.
I need to meet your family.
You know that we wouldn’t even be talking about all this if you would have kept your candy consumption judgement comments to yourself.
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