Ugh I have so many sins to confess tmw at church, you just made me think of many more I've made on that street alone
An ad on my facebook says "don't be THAT girl". Its like it knows.
Any questions about why there was a scuba tank chilling in the hot tub this morning?
It's been five and a half years since she and my brother stopped dating. I feel like that's a long enough grace period. Going for it.
She said "don't make this weird" and then proceeded to sniff me.
Thank you for getting us into that car accident. I have had more guys hit on me than ever before because of my broken fingers.
My boyfriend correctly calculated the time I would be out of alcohol and showed up about four minutes after I'd run out with two bottles of wine. I think this is love.
I was busy. But now I'm about to consume alcohol and chicken. We shall see where this takes us. Maybe to the moon, maybe to the floor. I have no idea.
After being his wingman last night, I've decided I will never talk about becoming a lesbian ever again. Picking up chicks is way too hard.
PROFESSOR JUST TOOK A SHOT WITH US BEFORE CLASS. WELCOME TO THE LAST DAY OF FINALS.
No, I found out he was gay when I walked in on him blowing the guy from the dorm room next to ours.
No way hahaha I have zero intention of adding him I wanna just join in on a three some but mostly just be there for moral support and snacks
I just took a plan B pill with my preworkout. That's the level I'm on today.
You should have just fucked me in the bathroom when you had a chance!
I’m the skeleton in his closet, but I only come out on Tuesday and Thursday afternoon and when his wife is out of town
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