There were 3 chicks in my bed I didn't know when I got home. Now I know all of them. Biblically.
i hate this light. i wouldnt even hook up with me in this light
I was thinking about him in the shower then i get out of the shower and there was a text from him
its like he has a camera inside of my shower that looks into my brain
I almost took home a boy from the bar last night, till i realized he was not speaking drunk, he was from another country and didnt know english. that could have been an awkward morning.
dollar beers will do that to you.
I went to check the drunk texts i sent last night but my phone deleted them already. Even my phone is ashamed.
Woke up with puke in my bed and my pockets full of Tootsie Rolls.
Jealous.
Why is everyone in the bowling alley looking at me like i'm a prostitute just because I have bunny ears on?
no i had to finish in the bathroom to a pic of her mom in a bikini.
It's like I'm snorkeling in an ocean of tequila.
She was pouring Goldschlager in my mouth during the shower sex. How can you NOT like her?
If I had 3 wishes one would for sure be a designated driver for life that gives hand jobs.
His mom finally got over her shame and smoked a bowl with us. Merry Christmas to all aka me.
PS: bike ride of shame at 7am includes riding by kids waiting for the school bus #classy
I just walked across town, stoned off my ass and barefoot in 35 degree weather for him to bust five mins in and then apologize 13 times as I got dressed.
I'll be naked. By 11. Then arrested. Drunk tank adventures
Randomize
