I learned much from the teen babysitter: I can light a cigarette in a microwave.
Come see our sink grown plant.
i put his shirt in a ziplock bag to preserve his smell
please tell me you are kidding me
When boys buy condoms it makes me feel proud of their mothers for doing a good job
he's paying for my abortion by participating in an alcohol study. dont try to tell me we wouldn't be classy parents
You have to keep an eye on her tonight cause you know how she likes to pickpocket people when she's drunk.
LET US USE OUR GENITALS TO CELEBRATE THIS VICTORY
is there any kind of "im boning my neighbor and he happens to be a manager at walmart" discount that our new relationship entitles me to??
I just want to nap and funnel a bottle of wine in a cute dress
I didn't have cash to pay cover at the bar, so I traded the bouncer a Krispy Kreme doughnut i had in my purse
Leaves on the ground. Coffee in one hand and your man in my other. Lovely fall morning.
You know that pill i snorted last night? Yeh, its just hitting me now..... At work
I can't say too many people would say watching their drunk best friends fuck in a hot tub is very normal.
Anyway, that's been my evening- crying and looking up diabetes symptoms. How was your night?
Best night if my life? Time I got eaten out in the backseat of a M5 while eating White Castle. Then he fucked me. Perfect
Randomize