I just masturbated at work. Does that make me a prostitute since i just technically got paid to have sex?
It's going to be nice going to the airport without drugs taped to my balls like last year.
I had to sleep with my math professor to pass algebra. Apparently my blowjobs are only C+ quality
No need to clean the puke on the driveway. The squirrel is eating it up.
you proceeded to scream out that it's your birthday to everyone who walked by before you collapsed in the middle of the street. happy 21st birthday to you.
We somehow managed to get the sumo-wrestler costume into the washing machine, but I don't think the cupcake icing completely came off... And it still smells like tequila.
His penis without viagra is what breaks my heart.
All i remember about last night is holding a bottle of bacardi and screaming challenge accepted!
You screamed "show me a dick stand!" But before I could ask you wft that was you had passed out in the corner
Walked into a bathroom stall to pop an addy for my three back-to-back finals today. Felt like Clark Kent walking into a phonebooth.
We cuddled after till the morning. Then he woke up sober... and straight.
I tried to have a quickie with him at the company happy hour. I think I need to quit my job.
I had to hose off vomit off my driveway at 9 am.....so hot
I threw a beer bottle at the bartender and pissed myself. Somehow, I didn't get kicked out.
She'd probably like you more if you'd stop fucking her husband.
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