I know, he also has a fancy car to make up for his tiny penis
just googled chastity belt to see if it really exist..
This guy just walked into class and first thing he did was grab the garbage can, walk to his desk and say "just in case"
A 12 year old Canadian kid said I was a pussy for only buying a 28-pack. I fit in better in this country.
And then somehow we were arguing over how to fold our arms
My penis has a 100% approval rating. He has never received a formal complaint. If you'd like to file one, you can go fuck yourself.
Did I actually say goodbye last night or did I just poison you with vodka and disappear?
I think I'm in love. He's everything I ever wanted for myself, just with a lot more drugs.
I'd introduce you to the guys, but you'd probably make them all fall in love with you
I could do with a Floridian man-harem. Let's do this.
Have bite marks on my arm where my temporary tat was Saturday night. Did someone try to bite Captain America or something?
One of the many mysteries surrounding the weekend...
I wanna come do a blessing for your apartment. And by that I mean I want to drink a lot of whiskey and watch ancient aliens in your apartment
i still can't believe he got laid by going to the bar and handing out "cuddle buddy" application forms
I'm pretty sure "good advice you would give to a freshman for achieving success" isn't constituted by introducing them to your addy dealer...
it is my civic duty to ensure the success of our youth.
I won the 'drunkest person at a family event' award tonight.
i dunno dude, he took his shirt off and is rubbing jello shots on himself. i think he's done
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