i am about to cut my stepbrother's hair into a mohawk with the same clippers i use to trim my pubes. god is so on my side today.
if they reproduce, their children will be the worst quarters players ever
I think he's on the stoner protein diet. I just saw him, at 3 am, spreading mayo on a slice of deli ham and sprinkling salt on top.
im just going to wait until i dont feel like the grim reaper is having sex with me
Its amazing how creative youll get when your house has been out of toilet paper for a week and a half
it took me 7 solid minutes to realize "egggGSaucetingf" meant "exhausting"
REAL PEOPLE DRINK 3 BEERS ALONE WILL WATCHING THE LIFETIME MOVIE ABOUT PRINCE WILLIAM AND KATE MIDDLETON
An there's a little girl across the bar eating Mac n cheese... #1 she won't stop looking at me. Boo bitch I'm drinking alone. #2 I'm about to tackle her ass for that Mac n cheese.
Next sat night Titanic party. Bring your floaties, trashy necklaces, and a large lung capacity. This ship is going downnnnnnn.
Its funny that for once I get home and I'm just as high as my parents are.
Cheers to being single today. There's an entire box of franzia with my name on it.
all I've ever wanted was a guy with twelve cats who will tie me up in bed
sex in a hospital.. check
We fucked for 9 months, but he didn't want anything serious. So, I got rid of him and went on a date with a guy last night that looks like Kylo Ren. Who's really winning here?
Rebounding with her sister was the best idea i ever had.
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