i hate this light. i wouldnt even hook up with me in this light
its 10 pm and i am cleaning vomit off the ceiling. i am nowhere near drunk enough for this to be funny.
he met me at the airport with a welcome home sign with a grilled cheese, PBR and a blow job on it. i missed america.
Drinking wine in my childhood bed getting ready to go to sleep in order to wake up for my menial temp job. Thanks, college degree, I can handle the real world.
I'm buying drugs in the library...And it's not even finals time. What has my life become?
There is an empty space on my boobs where glow paint should be.
They sent me to the hospital. Apparently, of the many things I said, I looked at the doctor and told him, "Wow... it's like you're a REAL DOCTOR!"
This is my college life. Rolling at 4PM on a Wednesday to skrillex in the parking lot of a mexican restaurant.
I swear to the sweet baby jesus I didn't fill your freezer with salsa and my little pony toys, but I didn't stop them either.
and you fell through a lawn chair
You have to just make a conscious effort not to make out with people when he's around if you want to keep him in your life?
how soon in a friendship can you start calling them a motherfucker
Recliner chair sex has moments of worry....just don't.
You kept calling yourself a spider monkey... Then ran to the bathroom to "prepare for the main event"
It's okay to admit that you're into redheads.
Randomize
