just got out of a noise viloation because the cop recognized my roomate as his favorite chipotle burrito roller. just another reason I love ritos
So even though we broke up apparently according to my voice mail you still like me, with smurfs while riding on a boat.
Don't count me out just yet. Considering bartering a blowjob to see if that boy from work will take my shift.
We will have to go big on the 4th! Nothing says independence like the impending doom of an ankle monitor
Ps. I feel like I may pee myself this weekend. Either drunkenly or out of excitement. Toss up
Who are these men, what are we doing here, how is this helping us toward our goals of sex and pasta? Things to consider.
Haha I'm surprised I didn't see you I was drunkenly buying $70 in merchandise including a vibrating cock ring at that cvs around that time
Why Weren't you wearing pants?
because pants are for people with no imagination
Only in my life does a conversation about Hanukkah lead to sexting
I picked up a guy that night wearing a onesie. I kicked Xmas' ass
I don't know what to say to that. All I know is my vagina is trying to jump through the phone.
Never have i felt more judged than when i was throwing up in front of a hello kitty shower curtain at 5 in the morn
He legit watched "Cops" the entire time he was fingering me.
My trash can accurately represents my weekend: Bojangles wrappers and magnums.
I know you're having some issues right now but can we focus on the gangbang?
Randomize
