dinner with the girl I motorboated last semester wasn't as awkward as I thought it would be
I'm like 99% sure I made out with Kevin Spacey last night. Not good.
Dude you have to stop using "I eat good pussy" as a pick up line
She was about to go down when you guys iced me. Thanks bro
Making pb&j crepes. Using corn tortillas. So high. I don't know if I'm offending French people or Mexican people more.
holy fuck man...it feels like I got beat the fuck out of by death's baseball bat...chimichangas?
Haha I haven't even had my interview yet and I'm already trying to fuck my way to the top. 'Merica.
I mean I sucked his dick at 3 AM... UNDERWATER. I think I have earned a follow back on twitter.
Oh I will totally be your beard, but on one condition I get to watch you and your boy friend have sex.
How's dinner? Come here? You can bring your boyfriend if you're ok leaving without him
There it is. Caramel-coated dick. Someone is getting a yeast infection later.
You informed me your place was now a nudist colony and unless I was there to drink schnapps with the cat I had to strip.
It was extremely weird and uncomfortable mid blow job she looks up and says " tell me Simon Cowell makes your dick hard"
Never. No amount of alcohol could convince my brain and eye sight that it is okay to fuck him. I'd rather fuck my cousin.
I kinda realized titty fucking is purely for our enjoyment, they dont really get much out of it, except for a guy sitting on them and and a dick bouncing of their chin
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