Yeah I'm pretty much like lane on gilmore girls except my mom doesn't look so mean all the time.
You're not pinnochio. Lying isn't going to make it bigger.
you sent me the whole alphabet, one letter a text. it took 15 minutes to read them all
I may or may not have puked in my RA's suggestion box.
the first sign of life we got from you was four hours later. you smiled without opening your eyes when tom whispered in your ear we were getting buffalo wings.
Say something like you want him to fuck you behind a McDonald's. Guys secretly love weird shit like that.
I am self-sufficient. I puked in a wine glass and emptied it in the trash. Points for style and neatness
Is it malicious or apart of the healing process if I wipe my ass with his toothbrush?
turns out my ex girlfriend has become my most successful wingman. life is fuckin weird sometimes
I'm sending you a dick pic. Ill tell the other ppl in this pancheros its cool
Don't send a pic of dick unless it's inside the burrito
That was years ago. And it was chlamydia.
I just gotta say that I feel so much better now that I got some. I mean I feel like a normal functioning adult ready to contribute to society.
I knew it was love when he told me he wants to see me have multiple orgasms in one night
Do you ever go take a shit and end up sitting on the toilet for like 45 minutes wondering what the fuck you're doing with your life?
Everyday my friend, everyday.
i had to win in rock paper scissors, get called a fat whore, and make two dudes get in a fight so we could call next game on the table and you make zero cups. thanks asshole.
Randomize
