i think i just saw hanson at the grocery store. one might have been a girl. hard to tell. lets call that one taylor.
She looked like her face caught fire, and someone put it out with a screwdriver.
Why does every girl think its ok to cheat on their boyfriends with me?
She's mad at me cuz I told her having a fuck buddy was too much commitment.
Dude I swear I heard "geet out!!!" when I went down on her. I shouldve listened.
I was in the bathroom puking up mountains of tequila and when he came to help me, I held the door shut and kept yelling at him to let me be a lady.
I wish my head, heart, dick, and nose could just agree on something for once
At one point they were sandwiching me, both petting my stomach, mad dogging each other. Then they somehow telepathically decided to both try to pull my pants down. Such nice guys.
I may or may not have traded your body to the rodeo's owner for free beer.
Make way for the handjob queen! She will grab what she wants, when she wants, and from whomever she wants.
Every time I burp I plan an escape route because I'm scared I'm gonna puke on grandma
I swear to god if you eat that last piece of pie while I'm gone I will never speak to you again. I'm so serious.
YO I WASNT TRYING TO MAKE A PASS AT YOU.... Or Jesus
Omg. I definitely just got hit on by my doctor AFTER he completed my pap smear which clearly showed I was in the middle of an outbreak. What. The. Fuck.
I dropped my pants and she just stared until she asked how is that even possible? Best night ever lmao
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