there is a ziplock bag over sangria in a wineglass in the fridge...classy?
I'm to the point in my high that every song eventually turns into Lady Gaga
God my Facebook chat is a graveyard of old blowjobz
Yup, totally tried cooking bacon in the dryer last night.
You were talking about masturbating on the phone then said you had to go because golden girls was on then you called me back saying you seen that episode already.
How soon is too soon to enter the slutty phase of this breakup?
Have you ever chugged beers in the hospital parking garage with your mom?
My mom now keeps ice cubes on hand for my bong water. We may be able to work this relationship out.
And I swear to god I'll divorce you if you so much as say a single sentence in Yoda talk in our bedroom. I may be a nerd but that's just fucking creepy
Paris has not been good for her. Everytime she has a one night stand from a different country, she buys a mini flag and tapes it to her wall with the others
How many more times can I say I need to get laid before you kill me?
let’s face it, me joining a co-ed soccer league is like, 33% motivated by my crotch seeking a healthy outlet
All I remember is pissing by the garage and the next thing I know I'm on fire
I woke up with my converse still on and a plate of pasta next to my face, if that gives you any indication of how my night went
How was the tequila? Are you making bad decisions yet?
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