dude i'm inner monologue high
we left the bar for like 10 minutes last night and moved his car so it wouldnt get towed. neither of us have a clue where it is right now.
"Party in the USA" was played at church youth group last night. It was like everything I enjoy hating was aligning against me.
She cried. My mom screams. And nut went everywhere. It was all around a bad situation.
And just when I was about to fall asleep, he hit me in the face, and claimed he's a "violent sleeper".
Thanks again for allowing my sister to lose her virginity on your bed.
Found the puke drawer
Yeah then she waddled like a duck in silence sat down and ate the entire paper towel roll.
But I aced my quizzes. Apparently flash card beer pong is an acceptable form of studying.
Idk if I should be worried or amused that my autocorrect changes the word STD to DTF.
I walk into the pharmacy and I'm like "I need three morning after pills" and the guy was like "uhhhh". All I said was "we didn't plan it, we all just got laid the same night"
On the way to have sex with my ex's roommate... I have hit a new low
Don't do him, he's a Dolphins fan! A FUCKING DOLPHINS FAN!
Upon further investigation my nipples are bruised and I have teeth marks all over.
4 of us. Guys and girls. Were sitting there discussing the passed out half naked Brit girl on the floor. She is no longer the international woman of mystery.
Randomize
