That fat broad you banged out last night is still here and I can hear her snoring through the living room wall. I would leave, but I don't want to come home to an empty fridge.
i wish there were pregnant emoticons
Just got roadhead while going 95. I came for a mile and a half.
So, when he came he screamed MORTAL KOMBAT!!!! at the top of his lungs and all of his roomates yelled back FINISH HER!!!!.....yeah kinda akward
Selling Girl Scout Cookies outside bars for higher than retail value has got to be the most profitable idea. Ever.
She's dipping the chocolate graham crackers in marshmallow vodka for a 'campfire taste'
They don't even know who I am but they just woke me up with maracas and invited my boobs to a kegger
It's snowing in May and there was a law school party at the strip club. The end is near.
Iron Man just asked me back to his place... Not sure I can handle this. Wish me luck.
& I just realized there is no vomit smiley. There needs to be a vomit smiley
We didn't have a place to have sex. So we timed the automatic car wash & spent $9 for 3 minutes and 45 secs of car sex.
DUDE NEVER CALL THE COPS BACK
He kept saying "Welcome to Indianapolis" over and over while we were having sex...because that's his hometown. I was scared and confused... I didn't know if I should have said thank you or what.
He made me spaghetti, gave me wine and I fucked him on the floor, Is that a fair trade of services to you?
His sisters are going to have a heyday finding all those condoms in their bunk beds.
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