You know that restaurant that is like over by home depot?
That shitty one? I heard the food sucks there
It's my parent's restaurant
I wish my cat could text because i would tell him that everything will be ok. and i wish he could send them back..but him have no thumbs. him no know what he would text with.
My drug dealer asked me out. What's the protocal for this?
We had sex in the woods. It was great until some bird started mimicking my orgasm sounds
I'm too drunk to be surrounded by this many indians
How do you manage to be drunk and a racial minority so often?
The guy I met last night said we had a real connection and gave me his AA coin because he met me during his relapse
My reasons for going are selfish. She just opened her own law firm. I figure having a lawyer as a friend is a good idea. Nothing in my life suggests I won't need a lawyer again.
I had a face to face conversation with her vagina, asking it not to make me look bad.
Pretty sure I was high. I thought there was music coming out of my makeup bag.
Cute boy and deffffff wearing a HS shirt. I am getting too old to be inaccurate.
I'm throwing in the towel on today. The puke gods have won this war
I can always see lesbian subplot. It's my hero ability.
Well that was the first and last time I've had to write "divorce party" on a request time off form. I'm throwing it for my mom. What is my life turning into.
don't bring your nerd jargon into this conversation about my naked body
He said he loved me more than Kel loves orange soda
the result of growing up in the '90's
Randomize
