dunno bout you, but i grow tired of beef curtains
Found a barbie with nipples. Life is complete.
she gave him a mild concussion from throwing him against the wall in an attempt to dance with him. gotta love monday nights at the sandbar.
My roommate is on the phone with one of her friends trying to figure out how she threw up IN her pants. I'm not sure whether to burst out laughing or direct her towards Plan B.
When She took off her bra.... A tube of lipgloss, her phone, I.D. And a wad of twenties fell out.... I'm officially no longer a butt man
Keep your head up. His game is good, and you should be honoured to be a notch on his wall. If it makes you feel better, if it wasn't you, it was going to be me.
I broke up with him in the bar & then asked him if he wanted to have a contest to see who gets the most numbers. I say I took that break up well
Chilling. The soap was talking at one point if I rememeber right...
she pretty much pinned my hand to her boob "on accident" for like 10 seconds before she moved. Waiting the rest of the night was just a formality.
I don't know how Dave is alive, I feel like he's been drinking since I met him.
Why make bad decisions when I can watch you?
We should leave before they realize I dumped a bowl of Fritos in your bag just in case I got hungry
Also your Swedish friend who's name I don't remember is really good in bed.
*Norwegian
Whatever he got a sick blow job and his high school fantasy was fulfilled
And that's what dreams are made of
*hilary duff crying in the background*
I'll bring spiced rum
I am not drinking that devil juice
Randomize
