Reasons why i shouldn't be drunk and upset: i'm going to a boy's
Hotel room at 3 am. She's 42. Stockings and heels. All because I opened with a joke about cougar hunting. We'll high-five later.
ice luge is my downfall...
...u mean upfall.
wicked high...have munchies. cherry flavor lube. problem solved.
And now we have yet another reason to never travel to Detroit
Milk that cash cow for all the shots she's worth
I'm just waiting til he drunkenly pisses in his new man's car the way he always whipped it out and went Bellagio in mine.
This is the second girl that said she wanted to fuck me while wearing a clown nose. Fuck online dating
I threw up in a pringles can. how do you think my night went.
I'm gonna die. First I'm gonna throw up. But then I'm gonna die.
Peanut butter and whiskey is not a dinner
I've turned into a small time drug dealer, now who's the real MVP.
There's nothing wrong with using cocaine to keep my heart rate up in my fitness class.
You walked in on us hooking up, hugged me, high fived him and unhooked my bra.. You claimed to be helping
so i realized that he's only my physical relationship and beer is my emotional relationship...
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