why do i have 22 missed calls from someone who is literally saved in my phone as bumrape star??
after we finished we were both getting water at the kitchen sink...butt naked
so?
then my sister's foreign roommate walked out...in footy pajamas
what if cement was really a rainbow color they just secretly paint it grey so as not to distract drivers
are you high?
it feels like theres a golf ball between my legs. the sex was totally worth it tho.
He didn't speak any English, but I think I caught the word turtle in there somewhere.
Why would he say turtle mid-fuck?
You dont understand he had a split tongue thats bucket list worthy.
I don't not like him. It's just wierd talking to him because we both know I fucked his wife.
planned ethnic drinking holidays while bored at work thru next may. I don't suppose you have any scots or russian in you?
Yeah.. I'm sorry I broke your phone. But in my defense you handed me the frying pan.
my favorite sex position is the one where no sex actually happens we just get really stoned and eat a lot and watch netflix in the dark
I just kept hitting the drum to get thru the crowd to the bar. Surprisingly it worked
You ever sit back and realize our friendship is based off us ranting at each other with random animal photos thrown in
Adderal can only make me focus so much. Your ass is stronger than my medicine. Congratulations.
I got confused. The music was loud, porn was playing, people were grinding, there were hand jobs.
You’ll (maybe) appreciate that I picked at my ingrown hair again. Quarantine updates are getting BLEAK.
Randomize
