my grandma just informed me that patrick swayze used to babysit my dads cousins why wasn't i informed of this early...like when i was obsessed with dirty dancing!
I'm pissed I'm finding this out at 24 bc i could have used this material to make friends
he puts the penis in happiness.
Prereq for being on nyc prep: money, bitchy, and a lazy eye... if only you were rich
mmm whisky
reminds me of losing my job
Our drug dealer just got busted, wear black tmrw
ugh i can't even wear this perfume anymore. it just brings back blurry memories of blowjobs and regret.
What shirt can I wear out that says 'I may have a broken arm, but it's not the one I give handjobs with'?
We kept trying to bring you to the hospital but you had a tantrum and kept saying you would never be Miss America
He walked door to door asking if anyone needed to get laid. Surprisingly, that ended his drought
And I just want you to know I got myself into this mess. I gotta get myself out. Plus, don't you only need one kidney?
You seriously don't remember crying about how much you miss your mom right before we hooked up?
I'm only bisexual one week out of the month. Nothing like ovulation hormones to make the genders of my hookups seem completely irrelevant.
The uber man and I sat in silence. With my underwear in my purse and my dress shoved in the pocket of the hoodie the guy gave me.
I almost rear ended this hot guy driving a Porsche Cayenne just so I could get his phone number
Watching South Park, doing sit-ups and drinking tequila. In other words, my night is going pretty good.
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