i just got a Mexican deported. not sure how to feel.
The sex was great until she started shouting, "Succeed!, Succeed!" Then it was like I was fucking a motivational speaker. Awkward.
you were mad bc i took longer then 2 minutes to finish
She used the introduce me to her roommates so she could find out my name trick the next morning..I may be in love.
I met her tumbling down the stairs chugging Captain Morgan. I'm not sure why she has the better reputation either.
like a dude with a badge in a golf cart is gunna do shit. Unless he has a tazer. Then it's fair game.
Not sure if it's my shorts, hat, shoes, hair or soul but one of the above just got me drunk again from the glorious aroma of Keystone Light.
1st rule of birth control pills: do not stop taking birth control pills. 2nd rule of birth control pills: do NOT STOP taking birth control pills.
You know what it feels like? It feels like I'm in that prison from the dark knight rises. That's what being a virgin in college feels like.
hahahaha what do we need the kangaroos for? please tell me we release them instead of doves
My aunt left me alone with the instructions to "get waisted" by the time she returns. I love drunk aunt.
You're about wine.
Yes, I'm like 90% wine at the moment
Woke up on the floor with shoes on my hands...I'd say it was a success
Correction: *I* watched JoJo's Bizarre adventure while he snored asleep on me cock still fully inside me.
Why is my belly button ring in my ear
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