I hope that the reason I've been psycho on him is that I'm pregnant and not just psycho.
I used the word aforementioned in my paper. That's an automatic A in community college.
She came to college a virgin and left on court order. We ruined her.
Ever have those mornings where you just can't wait to puke in the shower?
A Bum and I jusst hugged. its not even 8 pm.
I created another version of Halloween, it's called swalloween, whatever girl in a slutty costume you bring home has to swallow or forever be known as the holiday grinch
Im pretty sure by the fifth subway ride after going in circles the four times prior, we all just accepted that we werent making the concert and should instead enjoy our magical weed and tequila laced journey.
She refuses to believe she pulled down her pants and spanked her ass in front of us
You do realize how pathetic it is when the woman who does your bikini waxes has seen your vagina more than I have
Oh. My. God. Dad smoked a bowl. He's been playing cards...I just told a story and when I was done, he got really close to my face and very seriously asked me if he had cheese in his beard. I'm about to die.
Proudest moment of my life. Just watched a guy walk into the side of a car because I winked at him. Love these yoga pants and my hair. Fuck yes. His mouth was hanging open.
Is it too early to get staydrunk at 1pm on Friday for Monday's St Patty's day
She made me undress her with my teeth...explains the button in my shit this morning...
I came home and my mom goes "why are you barefoot and where the hell are your shoes?" and I replied "I have French fries"
Yoooooo, the fat magician married the chick I dumped a beer on after I got pissed he was flirting with her in front of me
Randomize
