Dear Mark, please dispose of your crusty mcdonalds napkins used to jerk it at my desk
discrete masterbation is a lost art
I mean i stumbled out of the club yelling at random people" I"M GOING TO TEACH YOUR KIDS SOMEDAY!!"
And thats what homeschooling is for
Somehow I gave him blood blisters on his dick...I don't know if I'm that good or that bad.
I don't care. I'm going to fuck John's friend and it's all your fault.
i put his shirt in a ziplock bag to preserve his smell
please tell me you are kidding me
You fell asleep with your fingers in my vagina. You made this a relationship.
I found him stumbling up to our building with a solo cup under his arm. . . He told me it was his favourite thing ever. He also told me hes never been drunk before.
So never has there been a greater Valentine's Day gift than you actually putting a new roll of toilet paper on for me after using the old roll up! You didn't even use the new roll. You clearly put that on from a gentleman's standpoint vs. a selfish standpoint. I love you!!!!
He just said his penis sings like Mariah Carey...Im going with drunken.
Jesus Christ I am the crazy cat lady of vibrators
Meet at Walmart straight from work to buy items for hurricane fun. Then blast some wine, make some sex, blast a bowl and cuddle each other till the sun comes up?
That's the most romantic New Orleans hurrication I've ever heard of. Can I have your babies?
Because 9 pm Thursday you drink a loco cause you just wanna get drunk and have a good time with your friends. Then you wake up on Tuesday and you've had 17 locos and you're pregnant, lying on the side of the road, 3 states over. THAT'S why we don't have only locos parties.
I really need to stop sending pussy pics if I'm going to be running for state representative in November
Are you drunk texting me again or are you just being your regular stupid self?
yes
And I had on a penis ring on the whole time at dinner. And I ate veal...
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