He' s half Black and half Italian, I finally asked...this penis maybe one for the records.
In a world where you don't want your phone to pocket dial your parents at 2 in the morning while you're running around Florida shitfaced, Droid does.
Here. I am here. I do not know where here is but it includes condom balloons, a keg castle, and a shaved goat. Do not find me...I am in post blackout heaven.
so the party was at my house but some how i ended up being the only one who slept outside
i just ran into my boss at the liquor store. we didnt exchange words, just nodded in mutual understanding.
just walk of shamed past a man riding a bike. RIDING A BIKE. what a wholesome life he must lead.
She scratched my sunburn during sex. I didn't know whether to cry or cum
We tried. It's impossible to cum while bouncing on a trampoline. It's like trying to sneeze while keeping your eyes open.
Come on. I'll make you hot pockets. Literally and sexually.
I was more than drunk as hell I have rug burn on my elbows from ninja roles on the ground..
I woke up and found cookies in my purse. It's a 12/12/12 miracle.
I woke up and there was pizza slices on the fucking walls of my room
It took years to build this empire of casual fuckings and not carings.
Only real friends lend their restraints to engagedfriends to fool around with married strangers.
If I die write a nice eulogy and bury me with my star wars bobbleheads
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