No. I broke it. Note to self, never take a shower with your phone in your pocket.
Just ate lunch with a paperclip again. Seriously, need to invest in plastic forks.
I just remember telling jokes while vomitting
I convinced a girl to do a shot of salsa someone fell through the whole on the porch and Sara swallowed a beer tab
Is waterboarding an exceptable way of getting sober?
And then you'll find yourself a hot chick and leave me behind with nothing but my back fat to keep me company.
Only he would come to a strip club and talk about an internship with Walt Disney during a lap dance.
You know what's even more awkward then buying plan b from someone who is a member at the gym you work at... When they come in after that day and have that look of recognition
Fuck man, my Dad's been single so long I get him a year's sub to a porn site every year for for Father's Day
It just makes me feel nauseous. And I don't want to feel nauseous when all I really want is to get off.
he told me he had a dream that he laid his head in my lap and silently gazed up at me. WHY AM I ALWAYS THE DUDE IN RELATIONSHIPS
We are all yelling at the cat at our apt in nothing but our underwear. How do you think it's going.
I know you've been in hospital with meningitis, but last night I walked into a streetlight and bruised my penis so who's really suffering here
Ugh I feel like I just got hit by a big giant sex bus.
Got so high i fell asleep kyaking...for 2 hours.
Randomize
