Am I allowed to make my facebook status "loves farting in chairs"? I think it would shock every boy that I am friends with.
Just saw actual Chinese people doing a Chinese firedrill. Good day.
He fingered me while we both sang the fresh prince theme song.
Marry him
i just burped and it tasted like condom. please tell me i wasn't lame and made that guy wear one for a bj last night.
Apparently she held up my head the entire 40 minutes, convincing the cab driver that I was okay
We've been broken up for 7 months. His mom sent me a card with a brochure inside titled "How at Risk for STD's are you?"
Her life is proof that being a drunken slut will get you places.
Just had the weirdest flashback. Did we buy melon, take it into the restaurant and try to make them give it to us as dessert?
You insisted on calling your mixture of Bacardi & powdered milk "a Jamacian Facial."
I still have his teeth marks on the base of my penis. You didnt miss much
Lindsey Lohan and I have slept with the same amount of people. The only thing she's now beating me on is rehab trips and teen choice awards, so really I'm the winner.
Some dude peed on tonys floor because drunkness
They offered him a bucket as he was peeing and he was like "Nah, I'm good"
I came home with 30lbs of BBQ last night. I can't pick up women in a bar but I sure can pick up leftovers from a corporate party.
Please come to class. I miss you and I have a horse mask
If I'm getting through this pandemic I'm doing it drunk.
Randomize
