Well all I remember is going to sleep being big spoon to you and waking up being little spoon to *****
Those 2 guys from the sonic commercial will be virgins for life.
I felt like a body pillow being humped by a twelve year old.
We had one of those mutual "I know your on a dating website, I won't tell if you won't" glances.
We made a percocet pizza. And then i made an unfortunate decision.
so apparently the car got towed with me passed out in the back seat.
Just watched a deer get gangbanged in my front yard by 5 bucks. Wtf animal kingdom
That awkward moment when you can't tell what smells like tacos: you, the cat, or the strange guys blanket your so tenderly swaddled in.
Red flag bro. Her only friends are barflys and a teen with a fake ID
His 12 year old sister has bigger boobs than me and now that's all I can think about when we have sex
I gave him a handjob in the uber car. Life is really spiraling downwards.
bullshit you weren't drunk, you pointed at me and said my cigarette was empty
Just saw a hotel with a bunch of mattresses in the parking lot. Made me think of you.
Long story short I ended up getting choked out by a really hot guy in the girls bathroom at a bar last night
Um. I just realized I still have a beer in my purse from last night. I'm at work. I am so classy.
Randomize
