Make note: the first date is too soon to make the "condoms are only for making balloon animals" joke.
If there's anything in this world better than hotboxing in the rain I haven't found it yet.
Agreed
Don't be mad at me. I know peeing in your drawer is 1 thing and peeing on you while you're sleeping is another, but im sorry..i love you
Thats a flattering suggestion doug but lets be clear NO you may not put your face in my vagina just because ur not charging me a cover. sorry.
Is your delayed response due to the massive amount of judging going on?
So i told my advisor i had to drop the class bc the prof said "supposably" and "irregardless" within the 1st 10 minutes of the 1st class; she agreed with me that dropping it was the best choice
Heated debate on which is worse. Pissing your pants or puking all over yourself
promise me that when we are 32, we will look nothing like Kim Zolciak. Promise me right this instant.
Be careful there's warming lubricant on the floor. I will clean and explain later.
She was moaning so loud as i walked out of the room her roommates gave me a standing ovation... i think they are next
I just walked in on my lesbian roommate having sex in the kitchen, and it was awesome. We proceeded to shots naked together. Happy birthday to me.
I think I was the only one who knew you were acting like you weren't drunk in public issues discussion this morning. Make sure you thank me in your Academy Award Speech someday.
I left your tip in your mailbox. Last night was amazing.
Yeah i just finished watching someone play ping pong with his penis it didn't fully register until after a few seconds
What am I even going to do with 20 more jello shots? And don't say give them to the cat
Randomize
