How do u get a lost condom out? Like really lost... up there...
Her gag reflex was as absent as a father figure must have been in her childhood
I think we should start referring to bisexuals as "strays"
She was stumbling around looking for her cat. She said i could help, but i had to call him by his jungle name
He won't sleep with me again until I commit...
Run. There is other dick in the sea, less clingy dick.
if i got ashes i think they'd burn a hole into my head with the amount of sins i've committed this year alone and it's only february
He took a picture with a naked dude. I think he just walked out of that deep ginger closet.
I'm working on finding a bottomless situation. Both pants and mimosas.
she cut her forehead open playing a drunken game of pin the tail on the donkey and now she's having a panic attack.
My professor laid down on the floor and told us a story that involved being naked covered in Vaseline with a pumpkin on your head. No lie. This is going to be a great semester.
I cannot describe the pre-ejaculative horrors thru the medium of text messaging
No seriously you guys are gonna get arrested
Do me a favor I want you to reach down the front of your pants and underwear and just feel around for a while... if you happen to find your balls then join us
I don't know if I want to fuck him or punch him in the face.
To be honest. I have two poptarts in my jacket pockets. No one knows. I am pro stealth.
This weekend was amazing, 4 confirmed pukings, 2 cops, 3 hookers, one photographed t-bagging of the groom, and a night in an illegal gambling house.
Randomize
