weed, chlorine, and victory. my bed smells like i had sex with michael phelps.
I could give you a full detailed description of 75% of the penises in that room
he found my favorite bra, 3 thongs and a pair of jeans and gave them back. i love move out day.
Be here at 3:30. We'll find out how much beer can fit in a Mini Cooper.
i dont even feel safe using a push mower...that hungover
She said i kept moaning her moms name instead of hers
Listen up tinkerbell, You're gonna come to the bar, hit on some fat chicks, and step up when I punch someone in the face.
Are you having sex right now? Or is the apt just swaying rhythmically on its own? Either way, awesome.
We were in the middle of fucking and she was just like "Do ya wanna play Harry Potter Scene It?" I musta been really bad lol Anyways, her tattoo healed nicely.
First table when you walk in. Can't miss us. I'm wearing a feather boa and a green hat
You had me at first table
I seriously doubt I'm gonna be able to properly put your dick in my mouth whilst upside down, but I'm willing to give it my best shot
He told me I'm a small core of pure evil wrapped up in sweetness, gold, and puppies. He gets me.
That is beautiful
He is a sex God. It lasted more than an hour, and I don't remember how many times I came. I lost count at 57.
I wanted one last NYC adventure and I got it. Now I just have to figure out a polite way to wake up the pantless former stripper illegal Russian immigrant street violinist chick currently in a vodka coma in my bed.
I need you to know I’m weirdly very sexually attracted to Charlie Puth now
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