I'm drunk in f*****g wisconsin and want to kill myself.
If it's any consolation, be grateful that you're not in New Jersey.
It wouldn't have been a big thing. If anything, I woulda apologized to you and cleaned the remote
Where are you and who are these girls passed out on the floor?
and why are they spooning a flamingo?
they traded weed for a spot on our floor. be nice.
My dog just threw up a condom. Sorry for accusing you of not wearing one, I found it now.
I need you to do me a favor and hide my sword from me tonight. I'm planning on drinking my weight in vodka and I don't trust myself enough to not run through campus screaming "I AM SPARTA!" You'll be saving me a mugshot as well as saving some innocent girls from tears.
I woke up naked except for someone else's socks. Im so proud
I may or may not have told him that he's "the only one with a PHD in this pussy"... I should like direct cheesy porno flicks or something.
Because nothing screams stable like yelling at a guy in a bar because last time you hooked up he stole your underwear.
I'm officially no longer allowed to make any of my own decisions regarding alcohol, men, or the combination of both. Thats up to you now. Do me proud.
He said he didnt want to choke me, I said im sorry thats a deal breaker.
We had sex and he ended up in the hospital... don't know if I should be worried or proud.
Came home from this girls horse at 6am to find a guy lighting off roman candles in front of my door. Best walk of fame I've ever had.
She was way too drunk so I dropped her off at her house and smoked a huge blunt with her mom.
let’s face it, me joining a co-ed soccer league is like, 33% motivated by my crotch seeking a healthy outlet
Partying with my eighth grade history teacher I know you're jealous
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