I'm seeing double. Its like being in a room full of people
Theres someone in the car behind me eating corn on the cob & talking on the phone
I just saw "i'm bigger then that" as her facebook status. Would it be better to make a fat joke or correct her grammar?
He didn't speak any English, but I think I caught the word turtle in there somewhere.
Why would he say turtle mid-fuck?
my life is one jail cell away from being a bad country music song.
Sharon took in a random bleeding stranger drunker than her, named her Nicole, and is feeding her jello shots on the toilet
u girls! girls! girls! have fun please don't hook up w/ a roadie! Love, mom
Were at her birthday dinner and her dad keeps buying me shots saying when I was your age I fucked the shit outta girls
Hahahahahaha remind him your dating his daughter
My mom was looking at curtains for me and sent pictures and I had to be like "not the Disney princess pink and purple, more like an acid trip"
I bet his dick wears a tuxedo.
if i can hear my landlord's phone ring you think be can hear my vibrator?
I just hit your bf in the face with a mustard bottle and the guy at the table next to us bowed down to me.
I just watched videos of people getting puppies and crying, I cried too. Definitely still drunk
I should stop pointing to my vagina when I say "I'm in charge!"
i am risking my non lesbian vagina for your needs. i better be the best friend you ever had
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