Gym doesn't open till 11. I'm sure that of the other four people waiting in the lobby, I'm the only one still drunk and only going to the gym to shower.
the coke olympics were a bad idea. there's a tree uprooted in the front of my building.
I just found her phone in the quesadilla maker...
He's so young, I keep getting a mental image of him in footie pajamas. It's cute but it's wrong. Or is it?
I was throwing up in the shower. He was throwing up on me. It was a cute couple moment for us.
If i want her back i know all i have to do is sleep with a specific handful of her closest friends. That method is tried and true.
i mean, not my actual scene but if someone says "PARTY" ill figure it out
I just power puked in the office bathroom.. blew blood vessels in my eyes and now I'm ready for a donut.... success
we had break-up sex in a port-a-potty. how do you think it went?!
You is good. You is important. You is a slut.
In case you're wondering what frozen hashbrowns taste like at 4 in the afternoon, shame. They taste like shame.
My life has evolved from screwing randos, ok?
The uber man and I sat in silence. With my underwear in my purse and my dress shoved in the pocket of the hoodie the guy gave me.
Its my nipple ring piercing anniversary. We need to celebrate.
I found a used condom and a hairbrush in my dryer this morning.
Hiring someone to do your laundry would be a good investment.
Randomize
