Blood. All over. Pre coke adventure needs to slow down unless I'm involved
You had a hot dog outside the bar then made me stop at McDonald's for a double quarter pounder. I'd say you've more than filled your drunken meat quota.
We stared down the barrel of pure insanity, took more and the electric elephant god rewarded our fearlessness by giving me golden skulls and naked women crawling out of the walls. I love acid
Hey to make you feel better about last night, I just shit my pants.
So I know we're not talking about this anymore buuuuuut I left heel marks on the wall.
The cleaning lady even cleaned my bong. I'm scared to open my sex toy drawer and see if and how she organized it
So you get idea of what my night was like, I woke up this morning and the back of my head was orange
My boobs love her too. She makes them feel important even though they're small
Can you bring me a corn dog or something shaped like one?
Thanks to that wedding, I got to use the term "finger bang" more than I have since high school.
The resort was totally empty, just June and I. Which of course lead to EXCESSIVE day drinking and outdoor fucking. FYI Dominicans LOVE to watch.
I just smoked by myself in my childhood bedroom, how happy does it seem I am to be home for Christmas?
Had to decide between a hook up at the train restroom or getting to work on time #growingup
Someone put pennies in the toilet. This isn't a fucking wishing well
When you wake up and wonder why your bleeding and it feels like you jumped into a ceiling fan, dont worry. Ill explain it all when I wake up.
Randomize
