D3 body, D1 cock
my facebook friend requests are always from girls of boyfriends i have fucked, facebook is the worst reminder of shame
She went to college and exploded out of the slut closet.
CONQUERED: Sean from next door. Just wanted to let you know ;)
How many people did you send this to?
About to find out how well alcohol and lazer tag mix.
My T9 text prediction thing keeps predicting every next word is going to be "midgets".
decided to have an easter egg hunt this year. the golden egg has weed in it and all the others have shots of vodka. who said we were too old for easter?!?
I have no recollection of sleep choking you
We had sex to beyonce's "drunk in love" and then he order me pizza. It was perf
She got engaged last night. I don't think you should ask her out man.
Who's the naked guy asleep in your car?
I thought he was foreign, but it turns out when you're that drunk, an Ohio accent just sounds Russian.
all im saying is 27 is too old to still be drinking 40s, you make more money than me, buy some decent shit
screw you you golddigging beer snob
Are you drunk? You left me a voicemail at 5:59 AM of you making dolphin sounds.
my roommates gone so i can take codeine and sleep naked
Randomize
