Why don't you ever send me any naked pics
How did people poop without Blackberrys?
Motorola Razers?
Stone age, man.
She just asked me if her C-section scar turned me on.
I just found pie in my hoodie pocket... This break needs to end.
i love you. like a brother. a brother that i had sex with more than once.
I've got my laundry in the car, tonights 1 night stand pre-req is an in suite washer and dryer. Let's do this!
maybe next time you'll take an ex boyfriend warning you that she's batshit crazy as a warning instead of a challenge
There are at least 3.6 billion human cocks in this world. Get some. Get as many as humanly possible. Literally. Do it. 1-2-3 go!
If you are wondering why there is half eaten pizza in your pocket it's because you were passed out with it in your hand in my bathtub. Today's your b-day and thought I'd give you a good idea about what happened last night as a present
She's like a connoisseur of porn. Her collection has things in it I never even knew existed. She even has an Italian batman porno. Where has she been all my life?
Don't stress. That was a joke. I'd trust my pets with no one else. Accidents happen. Sometimes things go smoothly when you help a neighbor out and sometimes you electrocute their fish. Life is funny that way.
We took your mom out drinking and we wound up winning 18 games of Flip Cup. You have amazing genetics.
Should I put the money for my dealer in a Christmas card? You know, make it more frstive?
He really only has clothes, like 4 boogie boards, and a bong here.
I woke up on a park bench with a nice homeless guy waking me up. I bought us Carl's Jr. Best birthday ever!
Randomize
