yeah but I shoulda known it\'d be bad when he start rubbing my pubic bone instead of the clit! Awkkkkwarddd
I had just got her shirt off when I realized that I was about to fuck Chewbacca from Star Wars. The way she moaned confirmed that I was.
you were licking his little sister's watercolors and trying to paint with your tongue.
Awesome, the library of congress archived all tweets. Now my great great grandchildren can pinpoint the date they inherited alcoholism.
its a sex-hate relationship...no love involved
I don't think blacking out in class is a good idea. But I'm game
You were humming mission impossible as we ran from the cops
Honestly, your dog is in better hands with that homeless guy.
the amount of times i have wished for a boxed wine emoticon is almost alarming. almosttt
Apparently Bin Ladens last act of terrorism is cock blocking me....
Hey. Can you be so hung over that you get a rash?
i was completely deserted.. so i stood outside starbucks for 20 minutes trying to convince the employees to open early and take care of me.. fuck you guys
I'm truly not mad that he's at a strip club, it's that he couldn't look far enough into the future to figure out how to get himself home from one
When you finally get laid, I shall make you a trophy out of dildos
I'm drinking vodka out of a water bottle at work. Am I really the best person to come to for life advice?
Randomize
