Ninja stars and alcohol are a bad combo
Lady GaGa only went backwards in convincing me she's not a man at the VMAs.
insurance, jail, and birth control were made for people like us.
i checked my sent messages this morning and i had apparently tried to text the bar, saying "idk what i drank, do you?"
well he's currently spooning the coffee table
Checked out the free sonogram van on campus and got a free DVD of my sweet food baby.
My neighbor asked me to tell you to stop changing in front of their house. Do I even want to know?
and you will have a crown and it will be made of penises and all will bow before you and your glorious penis crown
you know its summer when you wake up on the toilet
Some guy just showed up at my door to return my bikini top. EXPLAIN NOW
So that advice that humming stops you from puking? Yeah no, just puked through my nose.
It's a sad day when ur phone automatically updates u on Thursdays that traffic is normal and how long it will take to get to the bar
That's fucking great actually
I'd like to thank Vicodin for getting me through family thanksgiving once again.
Whats a polite way to say 'if you havent put on a freshman 15 i would like to see you during break'?
So, I think think I left my underwear at your house. Well...not exactly your house but your roof.
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