I heard we made out
why is pumping your own stomach in your searches on youtube?
My drunk body wants to fuck you so bad, but my high mind is telling me it's too much work. I think I'm just gonna stay home and eat some Mac and cheese. Sorry.
she stopped mid-blowjob to explain how to acheive the haircut shown in the movie
Postcard from jail please. Reserving a spot on my fridge.
I sleep with the gay men, they no longer have questions about their sexuality. No strings attached at it's finest and i get new shopping buddies out if it. It really is a win win situation.
You are my idol.
Because if not I was going to quote Ryan Lochte as punishment
Thank god I got my shit together
can't decide if i look like a hooker or a missing member of Poison today
I feel like our lives always have been and always will be a never ending drunken rampage full of pregnancy scares and lost brain cells
I'm taking a shit break of discontent as a personal protest
Yeah we invited her back for chicken nugget sandwiches
You've lost booty call privileges between the hours of 10pm and 8am.
Sounds good. I'm hoping to have my life together by next week but you never know I guess.
I mean seriously...It's like the universe is saying "your vagina is closed, move along"
You should've seen the look on the guys face when I demanded pho and a beer the second they opened. Obviously he doesn't understand hangovers
Randomize
