We walked through the hotel lobby in slow-mo taking huge steps because we were astronauts, and astronauts obviously can't be drunk.
she must wash her vagina with a dirtier vagina
not sure what i find more disconcerting, your text or the fact that i recognized that as a dane cook quote
Today was my first day of hebrew and I learned how to say give me sex... I think I can quit now
He literally didn't stop until I lost count of how many times he made me orgasm. It took three hours.
I almost punched the night nurse in her face. I woke up and she was standing over me.
He came home all fucked up crying slammed his bedroom door and all we could hear for about three hours was THIS ISN'T GONA RUIN MYLIFe what happend
I told him I got this chick pregnant and he has to get a new wingman
E drugging s springing. Ease dnt Kate. To t e. ess e I meant thou.
So I met my girlfriends dad last night. Or should I say I re-met that mall cop that had to tackle me.
Somehow those two combined like captain planet and shit went haywire
Correction... Drunk on winter break. There are no days of the week on break.
Am I a bad person for getting my ex to DD me and a random hookup home last night?
please let it be arousing that I used numbers to figure out how well I'd give you head
We had sex last night...... This "Friends" thing is going well.
Do you ever just feel the storm building inside of you that tells you you're ready for a giant indiscriminate fuckfest?
She made me keep my boots on and say "you're welcome darlin" after every orgasm......so yes it was an awesome night.
Randomize
