What would you say if someone told you they liked your lips?
Which ones?
Now i know why people get high. I sat in the same chair for about 3 hours and the only thing i worried about was how far away my chinese food was.
I'm wearing the bright blue sombrero all through the airport as a sign of triumph that I survived spring break. I'm getting compliments
the doctor brought back painful memories by lecturing me about your teeth marks that are still on my dick.
I've now graduated to the level of gay where I can tell Tegan and Sara apart.
More likely there's a very shell-shocked cat wandering around somewhere, covered in potato peelings
did you dip my ponytail in franzia? its the only thing i can think of to explain my hair right now.
What's a nice way of saying "You fell asleep, and I got bored, so I made out with your brother"?
When I get home we should play "let's see how many Christmas movies we can watch before we start having sex."
This is going to ruin my future wedding planner career, but isn't it better the groom knows he's gay BEFORE he gets married?
We need to step up our tailgating...they're here drinking out of a prosthetic leg
Split a bottle of Johnny Walker and then decided to eat a shit ton of peanut butter. That was a rough bed to wake up in
It's my birthday, if I want to stay home, get stoned and watch the gameshow network, that's what I'm going to do.
Do you think my laundromat will notice that the bloodstain on my sheets is in the shape of a face?
He's gonna turn my vagina into the Sahara desert
Randomize
