Tim hortons said i dont meet their criteria. What the fuck criteria is that? You put bagels in an oven.
new rule: cockblock me if I have had over a fifth of jack. no matter what.
Its that time of week again, Bad life decision wednesday
He called himself excalibur. Thats all I remember.
My dick was out way too much saturday not to get laid
I've slowly been stuffing french fries down his pants. I'm at 31 and he hasn't even noticed.
You got the whole drunk bus to sing, "In The Jungle" while conducting with your glowsticks.
That feels better than graduating college or that time I tried to ride a llama. Did you know they really spit?
i think i need to institute a "if your dick has been in my mouth this year i get a xmas present" policy
Dude. Where are you? I'm making waffles in the waffle iron. It's beautiful.
DISHONOR ON YOU. DISHONOR ON YO FAMILY. DISHONOR ON YO COW
You threw up on his face 22 hours ago and now he's here holding your hand. I think he likes you.
Do you remember coming over and asking for toast and then singing that yeah toast song very loudly while you were dropping my bread all over my kitchen?
it was awkward when he was taking off my clothes and i had to help him undo my fanny pack
On a scale of one to 10 how Risky is it to sleep with a married man (all morals set aside)
Randomize
