update: the house isnt on fire anymore, but he is still pissing on all your stuff.
the house was on fire??
shit I thought I told you.
Her name starts with A and ends with whore.
It's very clear that i'm the girl sweating out four lokos at 2 in the afternoon at the gym
So getting a bj to I believe I can fly is one of the greatest things ever
It's all good. The CSI guy came and I played the theme song while he in was in our place. The cops even laughed.
She said she was jealous that i could wear headbands, then growled at the ground in shame..
Let's just not urinate on things that don't need to be urinated on
I'm drunk in a field. the chupacobra is going to eat me. if I die serve vodka at my funeral.
Also. This Ativan makes me feel fearless. I think we need an exciting new hobby for when we take it. How do you feel about ghost hunting?
I feel like i just got chewed up and shit out by a ukranian midget
Some older looking guy gave me his card as he exited the train. Hes a pharmaceutical rep. I'm debating asking him for a job. Obv he wants sex but if I can get a job out of this maybe I can offer him more than a cheap dry handjob bc that's all I'm really up for these days
She got engaged last night. I don't think you should ask her out man.
If anyone needs me I'll be in the bathtub, eating fast food and shooting straight vodka while I seriously evaluate my life choices and cry.
It's my birthday. I should be drinking mimosas in a top hat, not working.
I can't take 'get a man' advice from you. You'll stick your penis in a warm banana peel.
Randomize
