he is naked. in. my. bed. happiest day. of my. LIFE.
how did your night go?
he asked for my myspace name.
she just put all the cheese in the refrig to sleep.. and yes we did finish you bottle.
False alarm it was margarita mix all over my hands not blood
They just caught the deck on fire and I ran out with cups off the beer pong table filled with water from the toilet. It was the closest water source.
They high fived mid Eiffel Tower, then we all proceeded to talk about how our friendship is much stronger now. I'd say a successful first threesome.
Great night. I'm in the middle of explaining to her how the stock market works and she just rips my pants off and starts blowing me. Nerdiest blowjob ever.
there is vodka in my soul right now. The vapor is coming out my nose.
if girls can go out in miniskirts and reveal their thongs, I should be able to wear a sheer dress with boyshorts with the word love bedazzled on my ass.
This is why you're my favorite.
This is what my life has come to. Like, I may or may not have just stolen pizza from the guy I just hooked up with's fridge when I left...
I woke up to my one night stand and he said, "now that's the one to beat"
correction: my vagina hates that I'm smart.
Imagine how different my life would be if I could find a man who gave me more pleasure than pizza at 2am when I'm drunk.
Honestly, if you don't have a lawsuit pending against you by this time tomorrow, I'll be impressed.
I threw up outside. Then I peed got off the toilet and threw up. While I threw up u pulled up my pants. Not my best moment
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