Literally he has the smallest penis I've ever felt since 8th grade.
no more everclear, i just stood next to the toilet and peed my pants. then went back to the party soaking wet.
Dude she has the ugliest blow job face ever.
I wonder if she thought to herself "I'm gonna sleep with that guy tonight" when she watched me puke on the bar at 3 in the afternoon?
Should I mail that cop his nightstick or just throw it away?
We need to stop sleeping with people based on which NFL team they like.
Dude. Her vagina is a blender.
my make-up looks really good tonight. I swear it had nothing to do with me finishing all of your strawberry vodka.
I want to fuck the side burns off of Steve.
I told the emergency room nurse I didn't want to stop and ruin the moment. She said safewords are there for a reason. Super condescending. Got her number though.
Turns out it's a fake number.
So like if I threw up in my purse is that "don't ever show your face in public again" worthy or just slightly frowned upon
Drunk me really does appreciate that sober me made a list of movies to watch when drunk it saves so much time
So now I have had sex with 2 people my son graduated high school with.
we found her on the beach half naked talking to a palm tree
Which half?
I got paid to fuck my boss for lunch. My job is better than yours.
Randomize
