two more shots til everyone in this club gets to see my cesarean scars.
the vast amounts of cleavage i'm sporting to my final says "no, I didn't study but don't worry I've got something lined up for when I don't graduate".
the man who designed bathrooms to have toilets within easy puking distance from the shower is my hero
She's the hottest girl I've ever seen before and didn't lose her virginity until she was 19. As men, I take it as failure on our part that hot 19 year old virgins still exist.
i think he drugged the pie. i'll get back to you on that later.
#1 benefit of having an equality sticker on my car: some girl flashed me while i was driving home
They knew I had a party because the refrigerator settings were different, but they don't notice that we installed a new toilet seat so it's okay.
Do you miss the park or do you miss us having sex in public?
nothing like having plan b for breakfast in a cvs parking lot before ordering this semester's textbooks
It's Christmas, you should know what a virgin is.
Whether ya want it or not, it's gonna happen. Assimilate to the gay
You ask too many questions when I'm blowing you. You're like a dentist asking how my day has been during a cleaning.
I'm a teacher who's always telling kids about the importance of due diligence, yet I'm eating an avocado out of a coffee filter because I'm too lazy to wash dishes
She's like a squirrel. She spazzes out all the time.
QUIT STEALING MY PHONE AND SEXTING MY MOM!!!!
Randomize
