I stood up and a chip flew out of my shirt and landed in the chip dish. I just walked away.
All I have in my fridge is chocolate cake, pizza, spicy mayo sauce, beer, and weed. I love college
We went to the police station completely hammered looking for you. Don't tell me I'm not a good friend.
There are two people having sex in one of the showers right now trying to silence their orgasm sounds and failing. Thank you coed bathrooms.
I've never seen so many strippers at a funeral...
It's pretty bad that I know he's opening his door from the way it squeaks because I have snuck out of his room so many times this semester...
He thought the strainer was a giant bowl to puke in.
well hes been the bathroom for like 15 mins so he either feels comfortable enough to puke/ shit in my apartment or he escaped out the window
Reunion weekend was a success. Had 3 ex's inside my vag. Hat trick!
in the midst of studying i picked up my capsule full of untouched weed, popped it open, and whispered "soon" into it. midterms man
So I may have to sleep with a cougar to get a slightly used, yet free microwave. I'm going in
I'm pants less watching buffy the vampire slayer drinking rum. I'm not that hard to impress
I probably shouldn't be taking relationship advice from my side piece...
Please wake up and help me figure out how I woke up on the floor with my head under the couch
Don't worry about us we're making Mac and cheese
MAC AND CHEESE ABORTED, WE HAD FIRE
Randomize
