either we just had an earthquake or I am really good @ masturbating
Who has a video camera? i want to look back on this one day and say OH thats why i spent 2 years in jail
he's mad because you were 'slandering his penis'.
Just because he's a soilder doesn't mean his dick is a hero.
I gave the naked guy in the hotel hall a pop tart. He stopped crying.
So fucked up. Can't tell if I'm starving or about to puke. Playing it safe and eating froot loops. Tasty in, colorful out.
S.O.S. he's talking about horses and breast feeding.
For my birthday I want you to get me in bed with Donald Trump. That is all. You have 3 months
A gay guy went down on me in the club bathroom and then fixed my makeup for me
its gonna be a great night
And that was the night we had mind-blowing sex with the score from Raiders of the Lost Ark blaring on vinyl in the background...
When I was sick she came over with Call of Duty, animal crackers and a handjob. Honor says I can't dump her until Easter
If I die, sorry about rent.
9 am booty call on your ex's birthday. Fuck yea
Your dick is the only reason I have motivation to come back to school today
If it's any consolation she turned out to be has a collection of clown dolls she talks to crazy. And the cops knew why I was calling when she key locked the door from inside.
Randomize