apparently i was offering everyone ambien and shouting, it's only like heath ledger if you want it to be!
I'm out of vodka and money. My semester is officially over. The way I see it, my finals are just forms I need to fill out in order to leave campus.
I'm the only kid serving jury duty. And I'm the only one who may walk out of here in handcuffs for a warrant. I'm enabling these people to doubt America's youth once again.
I returned her cell phone that I found in the bathroom, I felt the stretcher and the ambulance was enough of a learning experience.
he kept yelling THIS ISNT AMATEUR HOUR
Did you know you could bring s cooler of beer to the nail salon?
Was this before or after he told that homeless man outside the bar about his past sexual experiences?
She's still too new to the group to be comfortable with us just sitting down as a group and watching porn on the tv.
Guess who is playing his new drum set when his roommate gets home to teach her a lesson about binge drinking to the point of being taken to the emergency room?
he's singing something in russian and knocking over my plants with his dick, get his drunk ass out of my apartment
HE STUCK IT IN THE FISHBOWL WTF
I woke up this morning half naked, smelling like an ash tray, with an empty bottle of jack next to me, and now someone named Dora the anal explorer is texting me.
I'm taking a pole dancing class this morning. Can I put you down as my emergency contact? I'm NOT putting my mother
I got propositioned to get involved with an engaged couple. I told them I didn't think my married couple would like me to see other couples...
you face planting the wall was epic
did you at least save my tooth
You left me a note that said "The Earth is blowing up. Bring the Rosé." WTF.
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