hey can i play with your boom stick tonite? I'll let you shoot the love of jesus in my face.
come over
i knew i liked her after she chugged tequila, fell down the stairs and said "oh dont worry i knew it'd be faster this way"
I now realize that they made gum to take the taste of dick out of your mouth.
Chinese roommate asked me this a.m when u left if all girls here have multiple boyfriends..
Its 6am and I'm sitting on the couch watching Clifford. Crying into my risotto because emily elizabeth helped the girl in the wheelchair get over her stagefright so she can win a trophy. Never drinking alone again.
Yeah dude. They were so drunk they actually drank the pool water. Which I'm pretty sure will kill them. My parents chlorine the shit out of that thing cuz they know how much sex my brothers have in it
I like how he had to correct himself in stating that I was the fat one in the threesome.
my bowl and the doses are under your mom's passenger seat
repeat: THERE IS LSD AND THC IN YOUR MOM'S CAR. HELP ME HELP US AVOID FELONIES
Nothing worse then being at the gym on the elliptical next to a guy looking at porn on his phone
if my uterus stops caving in on itself long enough for me to be alive I'm there
I dropped her off at home and her fiancé was shitty, it was 4:30 am. I told him I was the Uber driver
Wait I can't come yet Mr. Brightside is playing
ok i defs just took my shirt off in the middle of a frat party though so keep me updated
I had to ask her to let go of my cock this morning so I could go home. She just kept saying "no, please, no..."
How... how did you get Adam Lambert's shoes? Does he know you have them? DID YOU STEAL ADAM LAMBERT'S SHOES?! Oh my God I am so turned on right now.
my personal favorite... An "I'm sorry you broke your finger and cant play sports for awhile" blowjob!
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