I met a girl last nite that charged by the inch. i didnt have enough money but i figured shed be a good deal for u
Astroglide: It's like Bengay for your ass.
I twisted my ankle last night doing a super high five with 3 inch heels on.
he borrowed my computer and saw his name in my recent google searches. Things got awkward real fast.
you kind of just crawled on top of him. that was the point at which i became concerned with how drunk you were.
and everything will be beautiful and nothing will hurt and we will eat nachos
If you have a glass table... Put it up. I don't wanna hurt myself again, I just got my stitches out...
We just taught the Brazilian how to smoke out of a vuvuzela.
I was grossed out that all their candles smelled like vagina and then I remembered where my fingers had been.
Oh my god and he smells like heaven wrapped in a beard of knowledge
What eyeshadow color says "yes I am at the dentist, and yes I am hungover please don't judge my life choices"
So I have been told that I licked your eyebrows last night
Fun. You missed it. Michael broke a door with his erection.
New strategy for telling if someone is drunk: will they attempt to drink a candle if you put a straw in it?
So I realize somewhere between mildly irritated and outright belligerently pissed is where you are, but as to location, where are you?
Randomize
