So. Did i wake up at 430, try to drive home, stop to throw up at a shell, and try to clean out my car and drop my keys in a full dumpster? Yes.
i hit her car. ill just send her a farmville gift in the morning. then it'll be alright.
Dude I think I was making out with the cat last night
I don't have a cat..?
Well nonetheless. Whatever it was purred when I used tounge.
I have green food coloring in my hair and just got a text from "Guy in the Yard"...so this morning is going just as you might imagine.
I can't be 100% sure of this but I think tonight was the first time I told a middle aged woman holding a baby to go fuck herself
He stole a bottle of grenadine from the bar. And got arrested. His new cell mate is going to love his bright red lips.
I didnt think the feeling of accomplishment for fucking brothers would be this great.
She yelled "taste the gay rainbow" in a biker bar. She's either brave or fuckin stupid.
I just got hit on at the bar by a guy who used his mother as a wingman, she was pretty convincing. Only in Stratford.
just bought myself a "your about to get violated in every way so you deserve this chipotle" steak bowl.
Come over. I have beer, your weird ass vegan pizza, and a raging hard on.
Marry me.
Jesus tap dancing Christ rock out with your cock out is supposed to be just an expression. And even if it weren't no one wants pics bro.
yeah but really his dick tasted like soap. like i was blowing a bar of soap
He said he would get me a helmet and bedazzle it with my name and address so the cabs would know where to take me
My life is in shambles. Just made a grilled cheese in the microwave on a hot dog bun
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