It was amazing what she could do with her one good arm.
I promise you 4 toothbrushes taped together and lube does not do the trick
they said they heard you say put it in my butt
I've been watching too much manswers. Cuz i know scissoring doesn't work on a motorcycle.
the problem with open bar is i never know what to get
did you really just start a sentence with "the problem with open bar is..."
maybe if i keep dancing i won't throw up
I'm texting you from across the beer pong table to tell you that the drunk chick you brought over needs to disappear. like now.
She said "I've been waiting to suck your cock since high school." I'm so glad so many freshmen are from our school.
I feel like I owe her child an apology or something after blowing my load on the tattoo she has of her.
I don't think I'll get invited back. I drunkenly told her that her kids would be perfect for a pro-abortion campaign.
I'm still alive btw, in case you were worried about my well being.
Glitter fights sound a lot funner in theory.
Dude you were so wasted you thought a fake electric candle was real and tried to light your cig with it. Multiple times.
It's official. My little brother has had more sex in my car than I have. I'm still tied with my little sister. I hate everybody.
I just sharted for the first time in my life. Age 33. Lying in bed. Sober. 2021 is off to a great start!
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