I went to blockbuster, where I always go when I need to soul searching
Despondent, hopeless, I decide on vantage point, because I vaguely resemble matthew fox (let me believe this, please)
It was cheaper to buy then rent, so now I'm stuck w/ a wretched hangover and I own this shit movie
nothing says happy birthday like half a tampon wrapped in someone else's hair on your shoulder.
im so bored in class... i just made a pie graph of my favorite bars and a bar graph of my favorite pies
He tagged himself in all of my pictures so he would get a notification if someone commented on it.
Restraining orders are what college is about.
Go for the frenulum. Its like eating a popsicle. They go nuts with that shit.
Had a farmer come into my class to talk to us today. He apparently met his wife on fb and just thanked jesus for his land. I think I am in the wrong major...
new girl just came onto the hall stumbling drunk with no shoes on and the guy who brought her doesn't have them either
You need to get over here. I think the drunks are about to sacrifice a chicken to the beer gods. Or a freshman. Stay tuned.
Dude. There's gotta be an article in Cosmo about it cause I've had three different girls tongue tickle my brownie this month.
He showed up to a baby shower and kept telling everyone he was late because he was pregaming. And then tried honking the pregnant girls tits
I told you alcohol was flammable, but you didn't believe me until you tried to extinguish your sparkler by submerging it in vodka and the bottle burst into flames.
Ladies don't puke and tell
I'm sharing a breakfast burrito w my uber driver
i just found a lighter in my bra... from last night, and its 7:43pm...
Fuck. Totally just had sex instead of studying for econ test in an hour. Gonna get fucked again. HELP ME WITH YOUR EXTENSIVE KNOWLEDGE OF ECON
Randomize
