Yeah he is here but I can't let him know I am until he has like 30 min worth of drinks. so when he see me he isn't like "omg ew,NO!"
I have so much to learn from you, wise slut
If you made a robot out of pillows would he be nice? It's hard to imagine a mean pillow robot. And who came up with the idea of shaving their legs?
quadriplegic porn is always funny
no. no its not
you announced to the whole room that instead of shaving you were planning to start straightening and then braiding your pubes. awkward silence followed by everyone leaving.
is it just me, or are high schoolers getting sexier?
Highlight of my weekend: having my card suspended due to "suspicious charges" and standing in line at the gas station yelling at customer service on the phone that I really did go to 4 different strip clubs in one night
Can we promise no matter what that we have sex the night the Mayan calendar runs out?
We're using joints as your birthday candles
I don't know what I'm more pleased with, the blowie last night or that fact that there's still 20 dollars in my wallet
He stumbled in drunk at 7am, while we were getting ready for work. He poured a bowl of Cap'n Crunch, poured Jack Daniels on it., and said he was having "Captain Jack" for breakfast. I don't know how he's alive and employed. I hope the Cap'n calls in sick for him today.
I mean, you've seen me eat pizza, sober, out of a garbage can, and yet I refuse to go eat at that place. Just sayin....
The first thing I did when I got to the apartment was masturbate on the couch
I think all the guys I've fucked in my life would get along perfectly. They'd probably form an orchestra and travel the fucking world. That gives me the slightest feeling of consistency in life which is great.
Currently sifting through all the dick pics and nudes for a picture of my dad and I to post on social media for Father's Day...
he was just sitting there in his underwear... and his chewbacca mask...
Randomize
