Need a ride. Apparently screaming about the bartender's erectile dysfunction gets you kicked out.
I just want a better ending for myself. Not walking around with one sock on and my bush hanging out.
After I gave him a handjob for a half an hour he told me I should be a taxidermist. I'm gonna take it as a compliment.
I just had my first non-cocaine-induced nosebleed for the first time in 2 years. This calls for a celebration.
Maybe before the beach I should get a tracking chip in my arm.
She sucked my dick and I swear I almost had to send a search party into her mouth to find it. IT WAS THAT AMAZING.
But I wanna cuddle and just put my hand awkwardly close to your penis area by accident and look at you
I came home to him frying bacon to put in his beer. He said bacon beer lights, taste the awesomer rockies
When you say shenanigans does that mean I should bring birth control?
I COULD BREAK CONCRETE WITH MY FOOTBALL ERECTION.
I, soberly, gave myself a concussion trying to take a pic of my vagina. Fuck you and your hangover.
His dick was so bent it was like fucking captain hook's hand for 2 hours
I told you being able to play expert on guitar hero would get us laid one day
He? As in you personified your dick?
she said. She was going to, and I quote, "put her vagina inside my dick".
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