shes wearing a jean skirt, its frayed. i got this
I locked my keys in my car in front of planned parenthood. I'm terrified of going inside to ask to borrow a clothes hangar.
Just tell them you need to fix a mistake real quick.
He told me he had more lines than a plaid shirt
i cant talk right now. we are trying to finish our homework so we can play with play-doh
I'm sorry. But when a stripper driving a Bentley tells me I have potential..... I gotta at least listen to her proposal. God did not mean for me to waste these tits on law school.
The bouncer was being really rude for no reason. Steph PICKED him up and physically MOVED him from our path on the way out.
Well thats the pro of going out drinking with a pro body builder. Even if its a girl.
his name is devion and he has a voice like velvet and handcuffs
Is it possible to rally from a drunken seizure?
I feel like I deserve an award for facing my fear of penises in my face.
Its 8 in the morning and I wouldn't pass a breathalyzer test, How's your day been?
I'm at a loss. By loss I mean singing songs from Wicked and pretending I'm at the Oscars
Don't date the locals. They're all tainted.
dude it's 9am and i'm still drunk it's too early for sexting
You're not who I thought you were. You've changed.
You mentioned his name and i threw up a little.
Now the fun stuff starts.
Someone is losing a finger.
Randomize
