Pretty people don't get stds, I knew it
i just woke up and its 10 o'clock and the words "Robbies Fave Restraunt" and written in sharpie above my vage. Help me.
she pooped in my shower. pooped. woke me up and said she thought she farted but it wasnt a fart i went back 2 sleep and found it hours later. no longer hooking up w chicks my moms age.
airport. 106 proof japanese liquor. 4 little travel size containers. im proud to be smarter than the average american.
No I'm not coming over. That Bob Ross drinking game is too intense.
I remember convincing the limo driver to smoke with us and if he did I would name my first son after him.
I enjoyed our heart to heart in the trunk on the way to the stripclub
There's cake. And donuts. And strippers. It's like 5 year old me and 20 year old me are throwing a party together...
I wouldn't fuck her. Looks like her vagina smells like a seaside orgy.
I'm pretty sure my liver died in Reno and my intestines are doing hula hoops around my asshole. The bachelor party was that good.
I screamed so bad because I thought he was going for my sandwich forgetting it was in my hand
ok, i suppose pissing your pants could be considered a wardrobe malfunction.
Should I be flattered that she mumbled "You're the king of my face" before passing out?
Plus my dignity needs a night alone with me.... Oh that's right. I lost it last night
Grandma had me open the boxes that were delivered today. She got a sex swing, I've settled on "You go girl" as my official reaction.
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