THEY JUST PLAYED KISS FROM A ROSE TONIGHT IS PERFECT
Do you think he likes his girlfriend's moustache?
Still drunk and leading the team through the 9am sales meeting. I'm pretty sure this is why there aren't more 26year-olds in management.
wait can you just look around please? that was my favorite bra and i've already asked like 3 other guys
We're starting "No Hesitation Fridays." The probability of this going horribly are between 100 to 125 percent
Dude. I have been looking at your movie history on netflix and it is like looking at the rings of a tree. Only instead of telling me how old you are, it tells me when you were stoned.
The new google images is a smorgasbord of porn now are plans for tonight are off.
Clearly he doesn't understand my need to be surrounded by cats at all times
we all took turns holding you up and pretending that you were simba and that we were presenting you to the jungle
I know that was a dream because I woke up and there was no pizza
The hookers weren't a dream get tested
Two words that describe last night: naked and backflips.
Walk of shame. Stopped at an estate sale on the way back to the house. Old lady pulled a condom wrapper of the back of my hoodie. beat that
There was an unopened condom by my car when I went to pick it up this morning. Someone may have fucked on the hood of my car last night. Don't think it was me but I can't rule it out 100%.
So the next time I search for "Dragon Dildo" on my phone, I should probably clear the browser before handing my phone to someone and that's the first thing they see haha
A piece of your chipped nail polish just fell out of my crotch.
Randomize
