and thats how i got kicked in the balls by micky mouse
Guess who's still drunk but on time to court to represent a DUI?
You are my hero
she was trying to give me a handjob in biology class while we were learning about the penis.
Is it bad that I was more upset about not getting the perfume he told me he had bought for me then the actual breakup?
Just found my DARE notebook from 6th grade. Extacy was starred and highlighted.
At least I've made one childhood dream come true
long story short: there's a file in the master file cabinet labeled "lube".
Just got done fucking the squirter chick. She came when we were in a 69. I now know what it's like to be water boarded.
FALSE ALARM! I didn't piss myself, I fell asleep in the shower and then drunkingly crawled into my bed
Bake him heart shaped cookies?!? Send him a picture of your tits like an ADULT!
The stripper was dressed as the green lantern. Even for a geeky girls' bachelorette party it was lame ass.
I'm really proud of my unchallenged ability to convert boob guys into ass men
If my emotions are below a 3 or above a 7, I'm crying
So this is how i'm celebrating Easter? By eating chicken nuggets and masturbating all day. What a life.
The first thing my Christmas gift money is buying is a dildo.
She demanded to see my stimulus package, I had to go over.
Randomize
