Cop gave me a ticket for public drunkedness, and then I convinced him to drive me back to the party
then he said "your boobs looked so much bigger on girls gone wild"
I forgot about that,good spring break.
He's yummy.
HE'S GAY. AND 40.
Irrelevant.
The cabbie told us to at least pretend we weren't doing coke while he was driving
I can't tell you details but at one point I had her pee strapped to my back in a ziploc
I truly just stopped puking in my 730 am calculus class, looked up, corrected my professor, then resumed puking my eyes out. He was both impressed and disgusted.
Winning the lottery was the best thing that ever happened to my penis.
Greatest pickup line ever: "We are out celebrating winning the lottery."
Her text was so long it had an arrow to expand it. You know it's bad when even your iPhone can't handle her
I'm filtering his penis picture so I can see it better
I was "singing along to the Lego Movie" high. Everything was not awesome
she's my really slutty friend i bring around so i can act slutty and not feel as bad about it
Such a big mess for such a small penis
Ya, It's probably because whenever I close my eyes I see a kitten playing a banjo.
I'm sorry for peeing on you last night. Will cookies make up for it?
Well now I’m in the bathroom puking up absinthe so guess I beat myself up over it one way or the other
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