and then he said that some chick told him he danced like an epileptic on crystal meth. he then proceeded to demonstrate this statement, which i can testify is 100% accurate.
You also had the stripper slap the shit out of me for not having any money....remember that?
i just saw a white kid with an afro using a martini shaker as a coffee thermos. go college.
omg a stripper jus od'd on stage.
So I managed to get the bitch who has been copying off me all semester in History to copy the names of Pokemon towns off my test.
I promise not to drug you or anything. Please come to my birthday party.
Your either lost or getting food, if your lost find me a girl on your way back, if your getting food grab me a double cheese
Brown or brunette? Ketchup or mustard?
I love you bro
Yea there's blood all over the porch but we wont have to buy alcohol for the rest of the week
So the first 4 hours of my morning was equivalent to seeing under water. Things were starting to get better until I remember I drank mustard for free stuff and flossed my teeth with a strand of hair from a stranger in the bathroom.
GO AHEAD, BITCH, GLARE AT MY WAFFLE ONE MORE TIME. I WILL FUCK YOU UP.
Hey, you remember years ago when you told me you would give me a kidney?
I have walked into stripper central, but I'm on the street at 1:00 in the afternoon
Fuck you asshole. You cost me cheerleader pussy.
I'm never going out with the ashleys again. it was whoreible. terrifyingly whoreible.
I went 670% over budget on my vacation. My accountant would flip if he weren't me.
How the fuck do you have so much free time?
Polyphasic sleep schedule.
Randomize