He’s a liberal pot smoker and perfect for me. He invented a game where we have to smoke a joint every time you hear a Middle Eastern accent on NPR.
are you serious? he told me he had to cancel bc his grandma came into town
well unless his grandma is 21 and blonde, HE LIED TO YOU IDIOT
then he pulled down his pants, and i just stared for about a minute..... i was so confused. i didnt know my cat could have a bigger penis than an 18 year old man.
Of course my walk of shame coincided with the alumni marathon on campus. But, I did get a thumbs up from the woman handing out water.
I'm pretty sure we put the facepaint on during whippets
He thought the strainer was a giant bowl to puke in.
Just spiked the bong with a ludens cough drop with hopes it soothes my throat after i rip it.
Holy. Crap. I just found a hickey on my bikini line. He never got my pants off. WHO IS THIS MYSTICAL HOOKUP WIZARD?
That moment when your whole family facetimed you just moments before you threw up all over the entire living room
I've needed to start drinking protein shakes to keep up with her. It's like my dick just started doing crossfit.
Not sure what happened last night, but I woke up without a shirt on and cereal glued to my boobs...
Had to lock my cat in the bathroom so I could masturbate in peace.
If I wasn't planning on spend the rest of my life with you I wouldn't send you so many nudes, so fucking appreciate it
I don't care how many things you caught on fire, it's still not as bad as doing coke and then filming yourself having sex.
They picked up the lamp, held it aloft, and proclaimed apropos of nothing “this is going right up my ass”. LOUDLY
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