I feel bad for the person that has to clean the dishes that I peed on last night.
it appears as though my vagina has gotten the best of me again
Tell me you didn't have sex with my dad.
We're trying to see who can drink the most and still be eligible to donate blood tomorrow.
Someone just got kicked out of the mall for being dressed like a giant cat. I feel like this is in your future.
I am currently watching him baptize himself in a baby pool with a handle of belvedere while wearing a coral dress.
I want to have sex with him.
it's my birthday, i should be around people i want to fuck
I hope your fat roommate breaks the bunkbed and crushes you in your sleep
Steve watched craig and I have sex from the top level of his cat tower this morning.
We smoked with this guy who looked just like Hyde from that 70's show in an alley. It was a divine moment in my life.
Guess who just bought an ounce of pot via Paypal, and paid for it with my airline Visa card to earn miles?
Congratulations. That business degree is finally worth every penny it cost you.
He? As in you personified your dick?
You are the epitome of what awesome would taste like.
I duct taped a bottle of vodka to the back of your closet while you were sleeping in case of emergencies. Go rip it off, it's going to be a long night.
Can you get an STD by sharing underwear? Walk of shamed home and realized I was wearing someone else’s panties
No one knows. This doesn’t happen to normal people.
Randomize
