I feel like your standards for women is like rent-a-centers standards for credit.
Just saw an ad for "Liver-aid" how has this not become a life changing drug for millions?
I didn't think moms care packages could get better than greygoose, weed & double stuffed oreos, but she just snet me a chocolate bar full of mushrooms.
shes the kind of girl that would cock block endangered pandas
He's a little cute, in a dorky, I-know-for-a-fact-his-cock-is-huge kind of way
My life is a joke. Told everyone last night that they could call me Mrs. McCormick because I'm gonna end up alone with a handle of peach vodka anyways.
No more stories ab the wkend for co-workers... No one else found "and I didn't have pants on when I got home Saturday night" as funny as I did.
But yesterday I literally met half his family buzzed wearing a cheeta print bathing suit super short shorts and a tiny tank top.. I was like awesome
I was thirsty after the sex and it was a long trek back to res so naturally I stole chocolate milk from his fridge as I left
Like I owe him sex. Hell fucking no. I owe myself sex. With a celebrity. Or a clean pornstar. Who knows.
I don't give a fuck that he's gay and keeps hitting on me. Free cocaine is free cocaine bro
so hungover. idk whos house or comp im on
I aimed for bossy but it came out slutty
Dude why is my bed and bedding wrapped in bubble wrap?
Cuz u wanted to insure u had a safe sleep
thanks for letting me have sex in your bed, too bad you didn't get to yet
who are you?
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