I woke up this AM and all of my clothes i wore last night are gone. Instead i am dressed in air jordans, boxers, cargo shorts, and an Affliction t-shirt. the part that upsets me most is that i was with a guy who wears Affliction t-shirts.
Dude im not sure whos apartment i woke up in but i just showered here and their shampoo in phenomenal
I wish I could still say I don't know that you taste like bad ice cream.
i just got so high i needed a buddy system to the kitchen
Seriously... There's something wrong here. I'm drinking vodka to mask the smell of chocolate on my breath before I get home and he finds out. I fucking hate couple dieting...
Ok Ghana you win again. Tell you what...Double or nothing over women's tennis, basketball, hockey, war, baseball, golf, swimming, diving, oil spills, box office proceeds, internet porn sites, criminals incarcerated, women's downhill, bass fishing, NASCAR, or GDP?
Just got a full body massage. It was uncomfortable at first, but then I realized I let strangers turn off the lights and put their hands all over my naked body 3 times a week anyways.
is it sad that i can describe this night as "the night that i was sober" and we all know which night it was. like literally one night of sobriety.
I really shouldn't have to apologize. It was your own damn fault for opening a tab at the bar and telling me about it.
Woke up to a note written on my hand that read "just because he kisses you, doesn't mean you have to sleep with him"
next time, write it on your vagina so its more effective.
Guess who's the proud owner of her very own foxtail butt plug!!
I apologize in advance for the amount of cleavage I'll be exposing your boyfriend to.
i don't know when underwear became an acceptable clothing choice for parties, but god help me i hope this isn't a passing trend.
conclusion: canadians have really freaky sex
I woke up in a boat, with a life jacket on, tons of beer cans and no lake... I was inside a garage. WTF
Randomize
