Im at strip club and am horny
First time i ever had an awkward silence during sex.
I'm trying to decide if I want to bring home my 'beer champion' trophy or my chem books.
im pretty sure while i was fucking her my dog was fucking her dog too
My life is a requiem composed in the key of fuck.
Mom just posted ur drunk pix from Cancun in the newly made "My not-so-fantastic son" album. Thought you should know.
My mom now keeps ice cubes on hand for my bong water. We may be able to work this relationship out.
I just don't understand how we smoked the EXACT same thing and I feel fine but Tim's over here serenading his fifth bowl of fruit loops with Elton John's entire discography.
Spring Fling is on 420. The theme better be 'Flower Child'.
I want there to be fog machines and unicorns.
I have discovered my latent superpower. If a friend is dating a bi chick they will inevitably try and talk me into a threesome.
blowjobs from left handed girls are noticably better than from righties. these are the most important things I've learned this semester
My ex's new girlfriends ex boyfriend is getting me my nipples pierced for Valentine's Day so who's the real winner here
Lexi was drunk enough at 2pm to say "fuck tom brady and fuck you too" to literally every person at the store in Pats attire.
Shut up. I hate you. We're doing shots tomorrow. Fuck the consequences.
I woke up in the middle of the night on all fours turning circles in my bed! No more patron for me!
Randomize
