she's leaving w me bro, I've been buying her mad shots. She's seen my apt. So locked down.
Unmistakable female orgasm noises coming from upstairs shower
She must've brought a toy -- seriously doubt that he's up to the task
dunno bout you, but i grow tired of beef curtains
My phone has seen less use in the last three days than Tom Brady's condoms.
needless to say, I hope she has to get an abortion again
You kept telling that ginger girl, "it's not your fault, it's not your fault, it's not your fault."
Get to the bar. Power hour leading up to the rapture.
I'm staying at his house to solve the homeless situation. There's a freezer bag of weed in the fridge. He doesn't know it's there, and he's not missing it so I may have an income soon.
I couldn't find a lighter, so I smoked a bowl with a birthday candle.
I have no idea why my husband is mad that I came home at 4 am & all I want to do is eat spaghettios. It's not fucking spaghettios fault.
your keys are upstairs on the nightstand or I put them in the hole in the wall
We were sexting and i didn't know what to say, so i said i wanted to wrap him in tortillas and devour him like a burrito. then i went on by saying that i liked my burritos with a lot of cheese.
Dude, you got arrested for trying to direct traffic with your dick....
You took the glass microwave plate and said it was the closest thing to a frisbee, let me know how that works out for you
Im going for myspace 2006 goth bitch. Your worst nightmare
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