I am at the point in my high where i now know/understand chinese.
remember that night we drank a bottle of vodka and went to mcdonalds and ordered everything on the dollar menu, twice?
we can't do that now- first b/c they got rid of that menu and 2 b/c we are broke now. damn this recession.
but why does your life always sound like the plot of a porn?
I gave them both handjobs at the same time. Felt like I was skiing
the realtor just asked me if i've ever made meth on this property.... i need to do something about my hair
She said i saw her in the study room, waved, disappeared, came back with a coke from god knows where, and slurred "i have a drinking problem but i ate grits"
At what point were we discussing suction-cupping a dildo to the wall?
I accidentally lit my hair on fire and we broke the bed. How was your night?
its cute though when you google his name more than one mug shot comes up from different states
I can't believe I left out the part about him peeing on the side of Route 2 at 3 a.m. while wearing a dress.
He had a step stool to get in to his bed!
Like he held up the condom afterwards, twirled it with his finger, and said "look at that load"
Nothing like being naked and confused and clutching a scented candle...at least I woke up in my own bed though.
Hi,\n\nYou left your underwear in my Uber. Thanks and bye.
"Here let me wipe my uterus off your dick" was probably the most unsexy thing said after period sex. I should get an award
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