Learned a lot. Like boys with frosted tips still exist. And that they're sensitive to constructive criticism.
you went into starbucks asked for a mocha "on the rocks"
I'm gonna wear that dress that makes me look like a slut. You know, the one your sister got arrested in.
If you were wondering whether I accidentally FaceTime called the undergrad who works for me in lab during a particularly graphic blow job last night, then the answer is yes.
Yes, he made a MIX CD for our booty call...
He started screaming "fuck me I'm Ryan Gosling" and proceeded to pick up the smallest guy at the party and carry him to bed.
We now only communicate via Xbox messages. Living together is so easy
He stood me up and then his cat died. I feel like this is Gods way of saying he's on my side, even after the tequila fiasco.
If I don't have tequila in my hand soon, I'm going to have to violate human rights laws
it's just weird to think of you as a teacher since ive seen you throw up raspberry bacardi in my parents house
Dude fuck drugs. It's 4am and I'm eating mushroom ravioli fantasizing about jumping on a trampoline
Is there anything more American than getting day drunk and watching Hulk Hogan promos?
I don't know. I just have an affinity for nudity when I'm drunk.
How the hell am I supposed to tell that to a group of eight year olds?! It was three in the afternoon for fucks sake!
Life lesson... stop having side pieces that know each other...ffs.
It's nice doing the walk of shame at 530 am, the birds are chirping, campus is empty, and it's dark so noone can see who the Fuck you are
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