We were chasing that deer in the quad and next thing I remember I woke up in my RAs bed. I'm probably in trouble.
Last night I broke through a door, was hospitialized, arrested, and threw my shoe at a bouncer. This summer is gonna be fuckin sick.
The pink midgets playing hockey is the EXACT reason cold meds and alcohol do not mix. Period.
WISH UPON A TAMPON
They constantly get farther than me.
tampons.
It's not normal to lose a tooth eating a McDouble.
lets be honest. she's not NEARLY as much fun to fb creep since she got out of rehab...
She did my hair, then ate me out. Switching teams was an awesome decision.
Just did a "spirit of homecoming" bump off a stranger's credit card. A stranger that dropped us off at home. Erica's bad. How do allllll of the Eastern Europeans know how to find drugs so easily?!?
arnt you supposed to become a mature adult when you move out of your parents house?
Moving out doesnt mean I'm mature, it means I can make pancakes and bacon at 3 in the morning and no one can judge me.
Trying to Jedi mind trick myself into not throwing up. This is not the esophagus you are looking for.
I'm fine with our borderline lesbian behavior.
Note to self: never fuck a Canadian, surprisingly highly disappointing
There's a dude wearing a banana suit at the house across the street....
Ooooh no. Jesus take the wheel, or Moses. SOMEBODY TAKE THE WHEEL
After drinking all day I popped an adderal, slammed three beers in a row, apparently told the bartender "thanks bitch" then ran on stage.
Randomize
