Come get meeee. I'm stranded in the middle of no where with Paul (?). I think u puked on his friend.
my facebook friend requests are always from girls of boyfriends i have fucked, facebook is the worst reminder of shame
i'm going to be one of those im-wearing-a-shirt-as-a-dress girls today. dont make fun of me, i need laid
is it bad if I use the term bowl as a measurement of time, as in how long it takes to smoke a bowl?
as if moving home wasnt embarassing enough, mom picked up my laundry while i was gone. guess who needs to find a new hiding spot for his cum towel..this guy.
in the event i get tipsy, my nipples are your responsibility
Swallowing. Like you said. Lions. Always.
At one point I was giving him a handjob and I started singing Call Me Maybe
THESE BITCHES NOT IN MY MAJOR BETTER NOT FILL UP MY SLAVIC FAIRYTALES CLASS
He looks like he's going to feed me a taco and then stab me. It's probably a good idea he's a lawyer
Why isn't there a super hero that comes to the aide of really high kids when they kill their car battery?
I have no concept of chastity or moderation, she is a Catholic guilt poster child, how could I not try to hit that
You don't know being judged until its 7:30 in the morning and you're on 2 hours of sleep halfway between drunk and hungover wearing pajama pants at an international airport while saying how proud you are that you found the airport's bar immediately and how disappointed you are that it's closed
Why did two squirrels just run out from behind the couch?
About that.
In order to get rid of my bladder infections I must give up caffeine, nicotine and tight pants. It's like my pussy is an angry dictator or something
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