Yo I'm just eating dinner now. U ready to go out?
Ya ya. Where you eating?
Cereal and beer. U kno u want in.
Pissing in la rieve gfox. Jer zsyuis diu drunk but it felt amazunbg
Dans le librearie ivetre. Hjhaha
am i so blindsided by his great personality that i'm hooking up with an ugly guy?
i thought you knew
Had to go see my sisters new baby this morn in the clothes I wore to the rave last night. Still drunk. Almost dropped it. I'll be a good aunt right?
I learned so much about myself in that shower.
I am in a hotel room with 10 people. John is in bed eating an industrial sized pan of mashed potatoes. I think a non insignificant number of people saw my nipples.
The feeling I get when I hear beer bottles clinking must be what children feel when they hear sleigh bells on Christmas Eve
Literally the only reason we didnt get arrested was because the cop said I reminded him of Steve Stifler from American Pie
What the hell do I have to give up to manifest a dick
i rearranged my furniture so i could masturbate in the sun. how's that for spring cleaning?
lesson learned. Never drop acid before a trip to the aquarium. Sounds awesome, is actually terrifying.
He said he was Greek American and that is why my legs slammed shut. During the World Cup there are only Americans.
hey u leave my anime porn out of this
Your phone just changed "liver" to "liquor" how dose that make you feel
I’m sorry I pressured you for dick pics.
Randomize