I tapped out to boredom. She bought me a full meal at Subway. Two tap beers and a pretty weak long island iced tea. I'm five dollars cheaper to fuck than she is.
He puked at the bar then immediately procceded to slip in it, they loaded him up into a wheelchair, then the staff and myself walked him outside, all the while never having to pay for our tab. SO using this strategy again
You are the only person I know that goes to a bar enough to charge your iPhone there....
Um he just came into the kitchen naked to get her purse or something?
we were walking and you spelled the word "oats" to prove you weren't drunk.
Made fish tank punch. It's like trash can punch but in a fish tank. Also, my dad saw a picture I uploaded on Facebook and called me a pussy for only making 10 gallons.
Amazing how you can get from "Merry Christmas" to sex in three texts.
I could have done it in 2
We should install the 'help i've fallen and can't get up' buttons on our bodies for this weekend. Birthday weekend calls for extra measures.
I just heard my parents fuck. What. The. Fuck. My rooms right under theirs.. My dad barely even lasted a minute. Im almost ashamed..
Please note: when a bouncer tells you to leave, pointing out that their career path makes them a much better judge what to do will not make you friends
I have to be more responsible. I've dropped three lighters into my bong today.
I smoked that joint really fast and now I'm so high I'm crawling around on all 4 giving my dogs piggie back rides pretending its the macy day parade for dogs and I'm their giant human float.
I'm pretty sure I just need an IV drip of Plan B at this point...
PS there is a naked boy in my bed and I just left for the bar...
Spent 38 bucks on dollar wells last night. I'm pretty sure my liver is staging a mutiny right now.
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