You don't think I'm weird or immature right?
No I think it's cute we had sex on your Bob the Builder sheets
It was not a dingleberry, it was a dinglemelon
He had the smallest penis i'd ever seen. I can see why he drinks his life away.
no. the fact that it's halloween completely overrides the fact that it's sunday. youre going out whether im dragging your boring ass or not.
The only bad thing about this relationship... my forearm strength is dwindling
I'm hungover as fuck. My vagina hurts. I locked my keys in my car. It's about 93* outside. We're having sex in the pool when I get home
I woke up in an empty bathtub with the wrong brother
Found out I slept with someone who likes Pitbull. I really should get to know someone better before I sleep with them.
I have no idea how but i got a hold of a blue food dye packet. And proceeded to rub it all over my tits. So yeah i'd say its safe to say i'll be known as smurfette for a while
I woke up with jello shots in pant pockets so I must've had fun
It's Friday you fucking nerd of course I'm drunk.
the walk of shame isn't very shameful when your mom tells you she's proud of you.
Fuck man, I am really high rn and all I've eaten is different forms of pie
I'm going to come in the middle of the night and attack you with spoons
I can't be sure but I think I slept with a clown last night...
Randomize
