Call me when you're up
Great dream, you were in it
just used a caramelizing gun to spark a bowl, i don't think today could get much better than this.
I just licked the seasoning off all the doritoes in the bag. Tell me when I should stop drinking or I'll just move on to the sunchips
#1 RULE OF DRINKING: DELETE YOUR EX'S NUMBER FROM YOUR PHONE
There are twenty thousand men on this campus, please have sex with someone who isn't my drug dealer
The guy at the bar repeatedly told us he was an off duty cop from out of town, that to normal people would be the time where you stop asking him to smoke a blunt with us
This is my life. Enjoy the view
I just woke and boke and made apple pancakes. I'm kicking Monday in the dick.
I just googled "creative ways to tell someone you'll give them a blow job". I'm losing my touch.
Also a shrinking boner emoji would be helpful
Three Decembers later, I'm looking at this fuckin Santa lingerie I bought and just realized my stocking never got stuffed....
I just saw elmo dancing with gumby. The bars at 7a.m. are AWESOME.
I'm in the recliner and i have a bottle of wine wedged in my cleavage, drinking from a straw. Clever and classy or pathetic and sloppy?
He was my first marine! I wanna remember his name!
Angels sing when his face is between my thighs. I came 3 times before he even came up for air.
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