i no longer feel bad for not doin my schoolwork. im watching a porn in french. this MUST qualify as studying.
you smelled like vodka, i think that's why my grandma liked you
Biggest penis I've ever pity fucked
We sat in his closet and drank four loko out of my camelbak for an hour in the dark. You tell me how my night went.
Tell me right now I did the right thing by not fucking my sick gf at 3 am with her family home... Tell me my balls hurt for noble reasons.
If you are wondering why there is half eaten pizza in your pocket it's because you were passed out with it in your hand in my bathtub. Today's your b-day and thought I'd give you a good idea about what happened last night as a present
Me and the guy at the liquor store are on a first name basis, college is all about networking.
I just quit my job so I could get dick this weekend. I'm pretty sure my need for dick is much more important than the customers' needs.
That was the night I passed out and someone threw chicken at me. SORRY I wasn't available to cockblock you from that Hispanic dude.
We need a hype man... Like a DMX type dude to just up the ante constantly...
I made an executive decision to rename my Resume file to something other than MONEYMONEYMONEY.
I am not walking across campus just to give you a blow job in the hopes that in return i can study more efficiently.
I'm sitting on the couch playing the sims, how's ur night going?
I'm sitting on my floor, drinking wine, and listening to bette midlers "wind beneath my wings"
Why are our lives so predictable?
Dick is the cure to depression. I'm almost positive. And cough syrup.
just licked whipped cream off some model's nipple... just coming clean for when the pic gets on instagram because i am not untagging that shit
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