Screwed.edu
It was so romantic--he turned me around to face the sunset during doggy-style over the couch back.
Hey man, did I leave the bottom drawer to my refrigerator that I had beer in at your house by any chance?
i literally paused in the middle of it, turned on my light, pointed to the picture netxt to my bed and go "you hooked up with my roommate too!!! AWWW!" he was so weirded out. i don't think he understands the relationship we have..we share..
I haven't been this hungover since you found me laying in front of your door gagging with pepto bismal tablets scattered around me
My therapist is concerned about your alcoholism.
I went home with a guy last night because he showed me some magic tricks and kept shouting "THEY'RE ILLUSIONS MICHAEL!"
Wanna get really high and go on a Valentine's Day Sexathon cause we're both single or would that be weird?
just found out that she named her cat after me.
Bobbing for jello shots in a bucket of long island. Fast track to alcohol poisoning.
Overheard-"sex" and "giblet gravy" in the same sentence. Best thanksgiving ever.
Hey, I think I showed you a picture of my nephew while we were fucking last night. Sorry, I know it's weird, I just really love that kid. Again, sorry.
how fucking stupid do you have to be to think I'm going to accept your friend request months after falling asleep during one night stand sex?
its weird getting into a political debate with a pony dressed as an anime character online
As a member of the kink community, I feel grossly misrepresented
Randomize