Jesus wouldn't steal pop tarts. So why did you?
Mental picture: Us at a bar keeping it classy shot gunning PBR's in the corner.
That was a good example of when keeping it real goes right
Just think about it this way, every time you work Sunday, it's another $75 and that equals another hooker when we go to Amsterdam.
Do you think a former stripper/heroin addict constitutes as a high risk sexual partner?
It's like the last supper of drinking before the summer ends
Finding a keg in our kitchen would be like god personally high fiving each of us.
I think we should go through the tsa checkpoint with raging hardons when we go through LAX. I think we should pass out some viagra to everyone
That girl from the bar sent me a text saying that she wants to wear my cock as a hat. A cock hat. Is that good or bad?
Pretty sure that propositioning you to fly across the country for sex fest '13 isn't something my husband would approve of.
He stumbled out of the bathroom with his pants around his ankles yelling "tie my shooes!"
"he sent me a picture of a puppy in return for a picture of my boobs. He then captioned it with "look it's puppies first time at the beach". "
We had sex and then stood naked in his living room eating zucchini bread.
I know it's my dream I got hurt enough to leave work but not hurt enough to stop drinking
You'll never fully grasp an awkward walk of shame until you run into his mom while you're trying to sneak out. Then to make matters worse you have to ask her to mover car because it's blocking you in.
and I lost my effing shirt.
I didn't have any lime for my chaser.. so after my shot I ate a handful of lime flavored chips. Didn't work so great.
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