i just got arrested. apparently dont move means dont move.
By the grace of god and the ingenuity of Alexander Graham Bell, this text message is made possibe: YOU ARE A WHORE
I don't care what you say, cheap wine does NOT taste better in expensive crystal...
THERE ARE SO MANY GREAT DICKS IN THE WORLD. HOW DID I NOT DISCOVER THIS SOONER!?
When I woke up I had three missed calls from the name 'dream krystals'.... If I remember correctly she was the lady at the drive thru at Krystals and her name was Dream.. She wanted to come to the strip club with us... Do you remember?
Sorry I kept grabbing your vagina at the casino. I believed it was my lucky unicorn to win bonuses
Im dating a 38 year old who's lap I can fit in. Tell me I don't have daddy issues.
Hootey the Owl eats a mean pussy.
Um, OK. WTF?
The guy from the Halloween party. We finally hooked up. Went down in me for 45 mins. Came 4 times.
I have a hunch Mama J got around.
Am I allowed to say that about my own mom?
I am not getting you a goat.
Fair enough. I am not going out with you. The goat was not negotiable.
Hey I was just wondering if you could go look for my teeth?
She's the perfect storm of great hair, big boobs, intellectualism, and mild moral ambiguity.
We need to find out what drug we took so we can take it everyday from here on out
He said I was so drunk and high that I had a conversation w/ his goldfish. The video shows me clearly conversing as if talking to a person w/ pauses in conversation and everything
I’m honestly just flattered that you think I could make PornHub’s Top 10.
Randomize
