Fyi: he's overweight and balding. My biological clock is ticking so loud I can't hear the TV.
we fucked to don't stop believing. most epic sex EVER.
You know its bad when you can over hear the planned parenthood nurses talking shit behind your back... they've seen everything
Ok. Also I almost just threw up. Seriously. I was think to myself "really? Here? Now? At my work desk?" and then it went away.
Highlight of my weekend: having my card suspended due to "suspicious charges" and standing in line at the gas station yelling at customer service on the phone that I really did go to 4 different strip clubs in one night
She was stumbling around looking for her cat. She said i could help, but i had to call him by his jungle name
I think I wrote "thanks for the free alcohol!!!" in their wedding guest book and I'm almost positive I signed my name
If you listen closely you can hear the sound of inbreeding and shame.
I'm taking stock of m life as of right now and my Friday night plans are to drink a 30 rack by myself so I can have a tv stand when it is finished
we went from five shot glasses to three in one night. we lost 'badass' and gumbi, but the ninja turtle survived. courtney says to avoid any more casualties we're not allowed to use shot glasses past 1am. and we're not allowed to throw them
I didn't punch him it was just love coming out of my fist
Getting day drunk before work is perfectly acceptable when its 99 cent margaritas.
I'm drunk at 3:28
I'm jealous as shit at 3:34
Do you think I need to report to HR that the intern and I had butt sex?
You can't leave me alone in times of distress because I will fuck things ๐๐
Randomize
