What can I expect? While all of my friends are getting married, all of his friends are tripping on robitussin
He can't get past my hymen. At least that's what he said it feels like.
Dude, totally just found out that I've been washing my hair with semen for the past 3 weeks.
as we were stuffing their 24 of beer into our bags you kept saying you wanted cheese strings. closest things we found were kraft singles. as the guys came up the stairs you kept screaming 'GET THE CHEESE! GET THE CHEESE!'
But I thought everyone had breakup sex?
I like that we make it a requirement to howl at the moon every time we get drunk together.
she sent me pictures of 3 different vaginas and if I could pick which one was hers i could sleep with her.
I was always good at matching as a child.
I think that's the first time I've heard someone say "this is the safest way of doing things" while holding half a gallon of jagermeister
Dear Beer Goggles, it's time to see the eye doctor. With love, your biggest fan.
I deserve like a purple heart or something. I just made it all the way drunk through my 2 story house without making a sound. While carrying a trombone.
He asked her to marry him and she said yes. There is NO WAY she knows about his penchant for wearing lingerie.
God dammit. My lube leaked all over my passport
Hoping to get a pic of me on the tractor with an erection for you one of these days.
I told her we had to stay at the bar until at least midnight because that's when my direct deposit hit, don't tell me i'm not responsible
Who is this? I have a text from you last night telling me your name and to train hard for Tuesday, please make this make sense
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