i'm almost done photoshopping my face on his wife. it's a done deal
just mention it in a side comment sometime today... like oh by the way i have a daughter but um yeah my day was good
Her boobs more than make up for all the flaws with her personality.
So i guess i slapped the girl sitting next to me leg and said "You know what they say, got fat legs...you gotta fat BOX"
someone just sent me a bong wrapped in christmas paper in the mail. signed 'santa'.
I put the extra pregnancy test in my sex toys box as a reminder that my actions have consequences.
this weekend destroyed me...my brain feels like the curly fry at the bottom of the bag. GAhhh come save me
that's ecstasy for ya. now I'm kinda in the mood for jack in the box.
I don't know what to tell you, usually I would just ask if they'd like to meet the captain. If you can't get laid it's your problem.
Just did a keg stand the dropped my phone in the toilet. Sorry for partying.
You did a keg stand on the toilet?!
Would I be a horrible mom if I got a babysitter at 6am so I could go get laid.
Company meeting and there he was. Felt a little weird like 'last night you were telling me how your dick loves me, and now we're listening to a report on sales figures'.
I can feel your judgement through the phone
mate iv just woke up in the garden. either help me inside or bring out my vodka
She was cute in her own little way. Shit, free taco's makes anyone hot.
I think drunk me saved him in my phone as "beautiful man" to play a joke on sober me
Randomize
