I left when they started reinacting what appeared to be a jerry springer episode
Putting the night light in my bathroom cabinet was the best idea ever. Awesome for puking while light sensitive
any interest in drunk sledding later? if not, any interest in driving me to the hospital later?
There is nothing like getting stoned and spying on people with binoculars
I may wear a condom to jerk-off tomorrow knowing that my hand has touched surfaces in this bar.
Water skiing blazed is the most scary thing I've ever done.
But see that's the thing. I know i'm better looking than you, I just want you to be continually in a state of shock and awe that you could ever get a girlfriend this hot. You know?
I'm surprised, it's been so long you must be starving
At a certain point, the zombie-like hunger goes away. Then the sadness sets in. Then you start lying to yourself that you're taking some "me time." Then you remember you dodged chlamydia and Buddha knows what else. Then you're at peace with it.
Just followed a blind kid around for 20 minutes to see how awesome his guide dog was. And he was pretty fucking awesome
The bros used their bong water as pong water but I walked in mid game and didn't know so they hit our first cup and I chugged it.
I settled on "Merry Christmas! Btw you may have chlamydia". I thought a nice holiday greeting would soften the blow
My life is literally "I'm too horny you can't leave" or "let's have pie" there's like no inbetween
I'm only friends with her because I can't stop watching the train wreck.
Burnt my boob on a piece of hot waffle at work today..I feel like thats a new low point in my career..
Walking back to my car from the campus library and just saw a Nuva Ring on the sidewalk. If that doesn't scream college life, idk what does.
Randomize
