Some guy said that sham wows were the same as regular shammys. needless to say you had to be restrained. you kept trying to 'slap chop' him.
You know whats sad? As I walk past the campus daycare i cant help think, look at those drunk mistakes
I don't talk to her anymore. I lit her birthday presents on fire. Who the fuck puts candles that close to tissue paper?
I just had a heart to heart with a stripper I'm becoming a dentist.
The pregnant Hooters waitress told me to "make good choices".
So ahh..."Multicultural Night" turned into "Fuck the Neighbor Night"
If eating a cheesesteak naked doesn't make me feel better, then I don't know what will.
Honest to god.. She looks better fat. I never would have imagined those words coming out of my mouth, EVER.
This guy smelled his armpits before trying to approach me at the bar
He was trying to talk to me about standards while he had a french fry box on his hand like a glove and was using it to flatten his cheeseburger.
I'm making mistakes. Coming up with girl now
I hate me. That girl was hiiiiideous.
The problem is that you are trying to hold on to some dignity. Let it go. I hope your rash gets better.
Drunk me really does appreciate that sober me made a list of movies to watch when drunk it saves so much time
STOP GETTING GIRLS PREGNANT IN MY BED.
My brain is a dvd screensaver and I'm allowed to have a good thought when it hits the corner
Randomize
