apparently smacking a customer in the face with his iPhone was not part of the WOW factor we learned in training...
I had sex on an exercise ball. The inevitable has occurred.
So, i took all the condoms from his nightstand, not in the crazy ex way, but in the I paid for them way.
Just walked in and was handcuffed to a police woman. Fire fighter woman poured franzia down my throat. Aaaaand I just ate cookies off of Little Red Riding Hood's tits.
I would have to gauge my vagina to make it fit.
I will miss his soup and his dick the most
Check out this gay circle: I've now hooked up with my ex-boyfriend, my ex's ex-boyfriend, my ex's ex-boyfriend's ex-boyfriend, and most recently my ex's ex-boyfriend's ex-boyfriend's ex-fling.
They better not charge my debit card for what you peed on.
I woke up to an alarm on my phone that said "Buy Plan B" and then the guy offered me a hairbrush... which seemed polite at the time
I was proudly and successfully the first girl ever to get kicked out of a the bar for being too drunk last night. Loving spring break.
He's getting Easter eggs filled with weed or Jell-O shots for his birthday
I lose my morals, my dignity, and my selfie stick :(
If I'm legally allowed to go to jail than I should legally be allowed to tell a cop to fuck off. Basic principles.
Yea, but did you really have to throw a sandwich at him??
True life: I got so drunk that i took a shower with my clothes on at 4 am...
Can I come kidnap you from work so we can chug mimosas? My little brother has a ski mask I can borrow.
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