i might even pee on it at walmart i am so nervous
He managed to completely creep out every girl I was with last night. It was almost inspiring how efficient it was.
I'm sorry, but the way we fuck, they don't make condoms strong enough not to break
He sang nursery rhymes to my vagina to get me to have sex with him..
She brought a box of chocolates to give the bartender and now he's giving her free shots.. Why didn't we think of that?
You insisted we help some homeless guy put up posters for his missing pet alligator so we left you there because they were really just Chinese takeout menus.
Do you know how hard it is to be while you're high with a chuck Norris poster in the bathroom?
I have so many plans for this weekend and sobriety is not invited.
Rule #36, branched off rule 4: Dave stays on a leash in crazy settings. It keeps him good and gets you laid.
So essentially he's like a puppy you can bring to a bar? Retractable leash or chain then?
I just know what's gonna happen. I mean. I shaved my legs up to shorts length. But I'm leaving the rest as a sort of makeshift caution tape.
should we try and roll a cross joint since its good friday? you know, for jesus
Ive never seen a drunk man get suplexed before last week, now its the standard requirement every time we go out.
I lost my wolf penis dildo in my garage. I should probably find it before I resume my garage sale tomorrow...
Who knew removing piercings would be so radical?
Im glad your laughing because im currently convincing my penis you didnt mean it and its all gunna be ok.
Randomize