Fun fact: when I ripped off my wristband, I punched myself in the face. Rad
I'm having a chugging contest on the streetcar. The driver is judging.
Plus someone just passed me a joint through the window. BEST STREETCAR RIDE EVER
some guy just asked me if water gets in a vag when girls take a bath. WTF. it's not a wind tunnel!
There comes a time in a man's life when he's almost thirty he just needs to stop watching Degrassi. This is that time.
How's your Sunday morning ritual of shitting and throwing up at the same time going?
He was such a tease, he pulled out his dick, let me touch it then put it away
To drunk to make oatmeal. I'm pouring it into my mouth and gargling it with beer. Ive made maple brown sugar bud light
they paper machayed me.
i told you ... never pass out drinking with preschool teachers.
He fell on top of me at a party. I slept with him a week later. We've been fucking for 2 moths. Most successful relationship ever.
You're wearing a hospital gown and pearls. Let's reevaluate your life.
No judgement. Sometimes you gotta twerk on a legends face.
He doesn't have an existential crisis after we have really violent sex now which is nice
Also I just took the BEST ass selfie of my adult life.... it's gonna be a good day haha
I opened the door, threw up on the street, wiped my mouth and flashed a thumbs up to all of the cars behind us and kept on driving
I just had a mini meltdown cause I thought they forgot to put the cheese packet in my mac and cheese. I'm having an awful week.
Randomize
