i just google searched 'can you pop your ovary'
the best part about tonight...knowing when i wake up in the morning his car will still be full of packing peanuts..and mine wont
no.. I went home. Puking up hot dogs and lemon tart isn't as lovely as it sounds.
After a certain blood-alcohol level, the dog is in charge.
I would think I was a stalker too if I wasn't myself
yea. Don't mess. He will heal me. But my blowjobs will be historical.
I pull out like 90% of the time, but that's just to make art.
Some kids in a school bus just saw me jacking off in my car. This is how 89% of children find out about sex.
my neighbors having band practice on sunday morning is a message from the universe that I should stop drinking
Steaks?
It's Ash Wednesday.
If you really think that not eating meat on a weeknight is going to keep you out of hell, fine. Can I use that chimichurri you made?
Would it be weird if I congratulated the guy who almost broke up my marriage for working on the marriage equality bill? You know, thanks for fighting for the sanctity of marriage. Weird, right?
He left a full handprint on my ass. He called it a "five-star review."
ok morning sex is a totally valid reason to come in late... ur good, cya in 20
What's a sexy way to say balls deep???
I pointed at him and said “there goes mr fuckwad”
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