Listen the way I know if I'm drunk is if I have stage fright in the pisser if I do then I'm not drunk! And I definitely still do right now!
Can the rest of this semester just go by as a montage?
Great parenting moment: noticing your kid is going to puke from gorging fish sticks and sending her outside. Then watching her puke on your dog.
On my way home I stopped at target and bought beer and galoshes. I am a planner.
you dragged me by my throat over to the shots. this is a new level of alcoholism..
How do you say "I'm sorry I beat you up while cumming" in German?
I'm just saying, margarita tuesday would turn anyone gay.
I have your car and your sandals. My shoes are somewhere under the puke couch. Safari time.
I've actually, minus lsat night have actually changed my drinking habits
I have a fever. Last thing I need to do tonight is be elbow deep in old lady pussy.
You have all semester to unpack your car, quarter jello shots only last until 10.
I am the Angelina Jolie to his Billy Bob Thorton. We just don't work.
I'm pretty sure I have PMS because I almost just cried about not being able to find a place that gives acrobat classes here.
First you stole a hockey stick out of the nieghbors yard and claimed you were moses leading his children home. Then you led us around the same block twice before I called the cab
Wine through a straw in a subway cup.....classy
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