Oh fyi, I gave your card to a homeless guy last night and told him you were the world's hottest blonde girl who only likes black men...Sorry
ran into someone who graduated hs with us while i was paying for booze in quarters. i love it when people from my past catch me in my classier moments.
That should be a holiday. like easter. but bulges instead of baskets
Since when do you wear a bracelet?
Not a bracelet. Half a pair of handcuffs
The stoned girl at the dining hall just handed me a single chicken wing and insisted that she's "unable to procure more rations"
She's wearing her dead grandmother's pearl on the married finger so no guys "bother her" tonight... I am not THAT committed to Girl's Night.
I saw Nicolas Cage's face in the moon. Those were good shrooms.
I've decided I'm going to drink again. More. Day drinking. Night drinking. Everything. It's the responsible thing to do since I'm not pregnant
Well I just found the most comfortable way to pass out on my toilet if I ever have to.
Its a good thing to know for upcoming events.
My TA is here with a sombrero and an entire bottle of Svedka. Skip jury duty.
Just cried watching Wimbledon, worst comedown ever.
He said the main reason he fucked me was cause of my storm trooper tattoo. IT ATTRACHES ALL THE HOT NERDS
So apparently my mom hired someone who goes by "DJ Dog Dick" for the family christmas party?
Where can I buy a stripper pole at midnight on a Sunday?
The only good thing about being back at work is supply room boom boom with my office husband
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