i had a dream last night that you and i organized a foursome. swear to god
ps i'll be in miami in early july. this text has no relation to the last one
he is fucking friends with his exwife on facebook, but he defriends me after 3 dates? am i that crazy?
Pro tip: Don't start playing Bejeweled on Facebook while waiting for your Adderall to kick in. Unless you have the next 9 hours free.
At one point I was double fisting both beer & ice cream. I love public events in this town.
It's like she can't drink without using a flambongo
I've just never had a dinner guest strut in, go directly to my bathroom, vomit.. then come out demanding whiskey and food.
Cavemen vs astronauts. weapons to be determined. Who would win?
WHY DIDN'T YOU INVITE ME TO RUN THROUGH TACO BELL'S SPRINKLERS AT 4AM?!
Yeah I don't even know dude. This shit has reached new levels of ridiculous. Let's hope baby Jesus gallops down a rainbow on a sparkling unicorn and wills that bitch clean. I think that's the best chance we've got.
He snapchated me a photo of his penis with the caption "it needs a home".
I've done dumber things than this for flimsier reasons. Come with. If I pull it off I need a witness, and if I fail I need an escape plan.
In other news, I just threw up my burrito and am currently on all fours literally crawling back to my bed
dave might be using McDoubles to pay for dances
he has gotten at least 7 lap dances out back
On a scale of 1 to alcoholic in withdrawal how ready will you be to start drinking as soon as you arrive on campus?
Why are you hurting?
Tried to drink all the beer in Nashville last night....failed.
Randomize
