Successfully pulled the houdini tonight. Check that off my list.
hey my socially awkward cousin is our designated driver for summer, we just have to put up with her wierd shit.
Can't remember why I called but it definitely had something to do with Lou Bega
Just heard the new 'We are the world' ... Can I get my 10 bucks for Haiti back?
He wanted a handjob during a John Wayne movie. I just couldn't find it in my heart to disrespect that man. John Wayne that is.
I woke up covered in blue paint and my knee bleeding, when I went to return the shopping cart the guy in the elevator laughed hysterically. I'm having a good morning.
i'm getting the "you hooked up with my friends" speech from him. i'm returning with the "gotta keep my quota up" speech
He has a landing strip. I repeat he has shaven himself a landing strip. HELPPPP!
I need you to do me a favor and hide my sword from me tonight. I'm planning on drinking my weight in vodka and I don't trust myself enough to not run through campus screaming "I AM SPARTA!" You'll be saving me a mugshot as well as saving some innocent girls from tears.
I've got beer and a bag of saltwater taffy and croutons, is that enough for this typhoon thing?
Check your mailbox. I left a "sorry I didn't have time to suck your dick today" consolation gift.
some people waaaaait a lifetime for a hookuppp like this some people seeeearch forever for that one special handjobbb
I mean I've seen her tits but I don't know what her voice sounds like
Of course I'm watching space shows while stoned on the science channel. Why would I want to learn while not baked out of my skull?
all I remember is screming at her "I want you and your tortillas... DEAD"
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