he texted me telling him i gave him the clap. but i think he gave it to me and i gave it back to him
soooo we both peed the bed last night...
entire chemistry final was about beer... i actually might miss this place
I think I'm on the verge of a really slutty period in my life
she was pretty happy for someone in the middle of a herpes outbreak, how was i supposed to know?
We convinced him to snort an altoid. We should not be allowed to drink together
By the end of the cruise, there was literally nothing in our room he hadn't peed on.
Thank you for holding my bra last night while i did a topless lap around the house
making a list of all the places we've peed. separate list of places we peed when we were stoned
I noticed a trail of vomit coming up the drive way. You must be home
Only Tommy would bring a stripper pole to a bonfire
I found Erin. She's getting a back massage from the coat check boy and drinking all his whiskey.
my drug dealer is also my eyebrow lady. Two birds, one stone.
I'm not kidding, he literally jumped in the red panda exhibit. I knew this was gonna be a good birthday.
Need ride home. Girls. Stolen keg. Rolling down streets. Horny girls. No condoms. Rescue needed. girls and beer in exchange for rescue and bacon?
I. Hate. You. Where are you, are said girls cute, and how did you know I bought bacon? And how does this always happen to you?
Smarter than the average bear
Randomize
